60 Day Bikram Yoga Challenge

An Oldie But A Goodie

2011-12-30T13:45:00.001-08:00

This post was written by me last year (March 2010). It appeared on day 90 of the Bikram 101 challenge blog (which to my regret I was not able to complete and will revisit someday)
I came across it and found it fitting for this time in my life. Yoga has always brought me peace, but even more so now. For approx 6 months I did not practice yoga. Coming back to it last summer I was so aware of what a gift it was. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.

The Watcher

Social Media serves many purposes. I find it interesting because I feel like I'm getting a peek inside of my friends heads. Take facebook and twitter for instance. People type in thoughts and hit enter, many times before thinking it through. "Do I really want to post THIS?" Twitter is almost like a strange little collective stream of consciousness. One hundred and forty characters at a time of disjointed thoughts, ideas, opinions, and emotions. If we could truly get into each others heads and hear what goes on in there for a full day we'd probably think our friends crazy and they in turn would be appalled at what goes on in ours!

We are not our thoughts though. That stream of consciousness that flows during the day is not truly who you are. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, songs that rattle through your mind, all of the "noise" is not you.

Yoga helps us to tap into that deeper layer of consciousness. I like to think of it as the ocean. The top of the water is choppy, churning, sometimes violent, always moving. At the bottom of the ocean, where all is still, quiet and deep, lays "the watcher". This is the other part of us that observes. This is the part that takes over during the 90 minute moving meditation that is Bikram. The watcher is what pulls us through a tough class. Our minds, like children, will start to wander. "It's hot in here. My shorts are riding up. That girl has amazing postures. Man she's keeping us in postures forever today. My contacts are jacked up today. Crap I can't balance today. Look at mr. cutie in the back row....." The watcher interrupts the chatter and reminds you to breathe. You are brought back to the room, your focus returns and your mind quiets. If you are like me, the mind does not stay quiet. The 90 minutes is an exercise in constantly returning to focus. When it's all over, we lay in savasana, quiet, sated. If we are lucky, we are able to take that gift and use it the rest of the day. Able to stay calm and focused in other segments of our day, not just yoga.

The mind chatter is what makes us human. The watcher is what reminds us we are also spiritual beings, able to connect with something beautiful and powerful. Able to get out of our own head and find peace, even if just for a moment. Yoga is the gift that brings us closer to that peace.

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

Mark Twain

Cracked

2011-12-14T11:43:00.000-08:00

Last night was bikram at 5. The studio owner taught. It was a nice, juicy, fast paced class. Everybody was focused and determined. The layout of the class was comical. For some reason people only went to the right and to the left of the room, leaving a big gaping hole in the middle from front to back. As Steph stood up on the podium in the center of the room and led us through the class it sort of looked like she had just parted the red sea....of yogi's that is. The sweaty sea.
I had a fairly strong class and by the time we got to toe stand, I was in the zone and unprepared for what happened next. I'm getting into tree, preparing to go down for toe stand and as my fingers hit the ground in their normal "tent like" placement, I felt and heard horrible cracking noises in EVERY SINGLE finger of my right hand. A whole bunch of thoughts flashed through my brain in mere milliseconds. "OMG, did my fingers just break?" "They don't hurt" "If I jerk my hands off the mat, I'll face plant" ....along with some other thoughts, too fast for me to even remember and record. I ended up just sitting up into the posture, hunched over as usual, balancing on my fingertips, as usual. To the outsider, nothing happened. To me, I'm balanced on my fingers amazed they were not broken. It was THAT loud and horrible. As I lay in savasana when the posture was over, I moved my fingers carefully, trying to asses the damage, if any. There was none. They all just cracked, severely, and all at the same time. That has never happened. After four and a half years of practicing, new things can still happen!

Hey YOGA GIRL!

2011-12-01T21:37:00.000-08:00

This video is hilarious. Enjoy!

I flipped my dog!

2011-12-01T16:08:00.000-08:00

Last night I did hot power vinyasa with an instructor named Martin. This was my third class with him. The great thing about Martin, besides the fact that he looks like a Greek statue, is that he sets up an atmosphere in class where you truly can believe in yourself. He encourages us to play with the postures, take them to where we can and then stop and just feel where we are.
The first time I ever did Baptiste I was overwhelmed by some of the postures. They did this thing where you are in downward facing dog and then you "flip your dog"**. I remember dropping to my knees to watch and thinking "there is no way in hell I will EVER do that!" I was tired just being in down dog and I was afraid to even try. I had visions of falling and somehow maybe even breaking my neck during the transition.
Last night in Martin's class I decided to set my intention to play. Have fun with it. Listen to my body. So when he said "ok, now flip your dog" I just did it. The gentle tap as my foot landed and the stretch in my body as I stayed in the landing position felt amazing. I dropped my head back and saw myself in the mirror and a huge smile splayed across my face. All I could think was "OMG I just flipped my dog! Holy cow, I flipped my dog!" Something that felt impossible in Feb of 2010 during my first Baptiste class suddenly just happened, effortlessly.
God I love yoga.
Tonight it's back to Bikram. Lacey is going to show me how to train for the splits. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!

**for a you tube demo of flipping your dog, click the link

Yoga is "Play Time"

2011-11-28T16:24:00.000-08:00

I've been having fun with yoga lately. The Bikram Yoga Summerlin studio is becoming my home away from home. Just like days of old, when I would hang out with the "regulars" and have a blast during challenges, the same is happening up at Summerlin. We facebook "tag" each other when we "check in" via facebook. We do facebook "shout outs" to see who's going. We save spots for each other. We breathe as one, we help each other up in full locust. After class we play around on our mats a bit, practicing postures, stretching, our bodies like a built in jungle gym. And of course, there are the sweaty hugs after class. At 41 years old I am suddenly more curious than ever about my body. I was always the kid in gym class who got picked last. I could not do cartwheels, handstands, headstands or splits like the other girls. I was very uncoordinated, completely not flexible and just non athletic period. In high school I swam and ran cross country but I was not great at either. Now I find myself going through a process. "I want to learn how to do handstands". "Could I ever do the splits?" These thoughts have been rolling around in my head, bright spots of "what if". What if? What if I could, at 41, learn the splits, a handstand?? What else could I learn? What other postures can my body do with practice? So I asked for help, from a teacher. She's going to show me what to do, everyday, to work up to the splits. I'm excited, because instead of what if....it's when. If I practice everyday I will do the splits! I don't know how long it will take, and it doesn't matter. What matters is progress!

Sampling

2011-11-07T22:10:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've been sampling a fitness buffet this past week. I've taken hot 90x yoga/pilates, hot Venus (similar to bikram in a sense) and hot pilates twice. The second pilates class I did much better and already saw some improvement. Tomorrow I'm going to back to my one true love, Bikram, then Wednesday, it's back to get tortured and maimed in 90x. What I've learned so far from this experience is that 1) I was getting way to comfortable and complacent 2) my overall fitness level is low 3) I am determined and when pushed, my body responds and 4) I'm enjoying new experiences and staying open minded.
What will I do going forward? I'm not sure. It would be awfully expensive to maintain memberships at both studios. Awesome, but expensive. For now, I've got some classes left at both and I'm going to enjoy the crap out of this fitness buffet.

In over my head

2011-11-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

Last night I took a class at Vegas Hot. It was a "90X -Hot Yoga/Pilates" class. The instructor is the guy who teaches kettlebells there and is very popular. I walk in and set down my mat, not having any clue what to expect. I should have known, by looking around, that I was in the wrong place. I mean, the instructor is ridiculous. I mean that in a good way. He has not an ounce of fat on his body and muscles in all the right places. He looks like a statue of male perfection. I was looking around for the elf with the chisel that must follow this guy around and carve out those perfect abs. Seriously, he's ridiculous. That's just the instructor. The students, well, let's just say I didn't see any overweight people in that room. Except for me. That should have set off all sorts of alarm bells and warnings. But like the lobster that sits in the cold water pot, letting the heat rise slowly, I wasn't prepared for the boil.
I can't even remember what we did. I can't rattle off pilates moves and yoga postures. I do remember lots of plank type stuff and I can't do plank. Like at all. The first 45 minutes was some sort of hot pilates boot camp hell with a little yoga mixed in there. I was on my hands and knees, staring down at my mat, dripping sweat, panting, thinking "oh my God, I can't do this. I'm in way over my head, I need to leave right now!"
I looked over at my friend Carmen and whispered what I had just thought. She encouraged me to stay. So I did. I'm quite sure I looked like a train wreck even attempting that class but in the end, when it was over, I was proud of myself for sticking it out.
I've got to try that again!

So Strange.....

2011-10-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

I clomped up the metal stairs, still in work clothes and shoes. "These stairs are still loud!" I thought as I went up to the second story. I opened the door and walked into the studio. I was assaulted all at once by colors and smells and music, all different, all unfamiliar. How many times did I come into this very space? Practicing Bikram, doing challenges, blogging daily. Memories. Making an R and M sandwich, laughing uncontrollably, inside jokes, and just lots and lots of hours in this place. It was my home studio for quite some time. When it changed from a Bikram studio to just a regular hot yoga studio I started roaming around to other bikram studios, never quite planting myself permanently like I did for the first couple years of my practice at the old Bikram Southwest.
I took in the browns on the walls, the new names on the yoga room doors (Mars!) and the new faces at the front desk. Well, new to me because it's been some time since I've passed through those doors. I handed the friendly girl at the front my groupon. "I need to activate this, it expires tomorrow". She handed me a scan card for my keychain. Vegas HOT! it read. I chuckled as I added it to my keychain, for it now sits next to the old bedraggled Bikram Southwest one that I never removed. It's still on there, dead, gone, never to return. So I'll do a few classes here. Use my 30 days unlimited for 30 dollars. It's a good deal, and as long as I get over there 4 or 5 times I'll feel it was worth the 30 dollars. Hot pilates anyone?

A slice of heaven

2011-09-30T07:49:00.000-07:00

Last night was 5pm with Lacey. She is leaving for a trip to Peru soon so I was glad to be able to take her class before she goes. After the first set of half moon, she went over the form for the backbend with us. I paid attention and applied everything she said second set and made some major progress. I was upside down looking at the wall, then the ballet bar, then the floor! Ahhh, the floor! Now that was a little slice of heaven. I came out of the backbend totally yoga stoned and happy. I was practicing next to my "comfort" friend and we both had great classes. At the end of savasana we lay next to each other quietly, holding hands. Another slice of heaven. Yoga friends are the best!

Creepy Camel Smile

2011-09-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight was 5pm with Stephanie. My friend Chris was practicing next to me. The one I wrote about the other day, who says I give him comfort just by being next to him. Of course, I receive the same from him, so we feed off of each other. I had a great practice overall and was feeling especially supple in the spine. By the time we got to camel I really focused on how I got into the posture. When I put my hands on my "hips" I made sure my arms were not sticking out like chicken wings. Then I took a deep breath, pushed my hips toward the mirror put my head all of the way back and eased into the backbend. By the time I got to the part to put my hands on my heels, it was not a far reach by any means. I breathed, pushed my hips toward the mirror more and pictured my spine being like a waterfall. I suddenly realized I could see my own mat and towel! I've been that deep before when I used to practice daily and do challenges, but it's been over a year since I've been able to get that far in. I was so happy that I almost laughed out loud and when I came out of the posture I had a huge grin on my face that actually looked kind of comical. Well, maybe even a bit creepy, since I was hanging upside down at the start of the smile. I lay in savasana afterwards and the smile remained on my face. I felt like I had found bliss!

The worst class is the one you don't go to

2011-09-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

Last night was 5pm with the lovely Lacey. She warned me via facebook earlier that I would get special "love" in standing head to knee. She's been working with me on that posture and is hoping I will nail it when I'm in her class someday. Alas, it was not to be last night. I kept falling out as soon as I kicked out. I couldn't balance to save my life. But I kept getting back in, kept trying. The class was small for some odd reason, only 11 of us. We were spread out loosely each enjoying plenty of our own space. In a way, I prefer a busier class, I think it helps me balance! All of those yogis holding me up!
I finished class disappointed in my lackluster performance, but as always, grateful that I was there. I've heard it said "the worst class is the one you don't go to". I agree wholeheartedly!

Comfort

2011-09-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I took the 5pm class. The owner of the studio was teaching. She has a nice voice, it really puts me into a good frame of mind. She also kept the room perfect. I wanted to melt into my practice and wash away in a tide of good warm feelings. I wasn't all that strong for some reason, but I did not get out of breath either. So I sailed through a mediocre practice, happy just to be in the room.
Two very good yogi friends were present. One had just returned from Peru, in fact he just landed two hours earlier and came straight to yoga! The three of us practiced together, in a row, feeding off each other. The guy in the middle is a good friend of mine. We know each other from other places outside of yoga and find such joy in practicing next to each other. During final savasana he reached over and hooked his pinky around my finger. We lay there, breathing and resting as one yogi. At the end of class he remarked happily "I had my slap buddy (they like to swat at each other during full locust) on one side and my comfort on the other." I just smiled, because I knew I was the comfort and it made me feel good.

"How bout you namaste your crazy ass away from me!"

2011-09-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

This is your life.....

2011-09-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

Hope

2011-09-10T15:30:00.000-07:00

Who is out there that you affect? Do you make clothes or art? Cars? Is there something you do that affects lives of people you will never meet? We are all connected, never alone, even when sitting in solitude. Yesterday I was talking with a friend and he asked me if I had hope. I looked at him and said "for what?" He said, "do you even know what hope means? It's the expectation of a positive outcome." That floored me and stayed with me the rest of the day and I woke up thinking about hope. I used to have hope, then for while, it left. The great thing about the human spirit is that it rebounds. It is resilient, just as our bodies, minds and even hearts are. I went to yoga, hopeful. When I arrived, one of my facebook yoga buddies asked if this was my blog. She found it five months ago and read it. She encouraged me to keep writing, in fact she challenged me, with a twinkle in her eye, to post today. I went into class, thinking about hope, and thinking about affect. My blog, in some way, affects those I haven't met, and some I have or will. Perhaps it provided information, encouragement, maybe even....hope.
Class ended up being a nice, juicy, 90 minute moving meditation. I stretched, pulled, sweated, breathed and listened to Jason lead us through with grace and style. He has grown so much since coming back from teacher training. That's one of my favorite things about teacher training time. Watching fellow yogis leave and then watching their journey, to find their rhythm and style when they return. It's beautiful. I lay on my mat at the end of class, sated, happy, hopeful and encouraged to dust off this blog and continue my journey with you.

I had to leave.....

2011-08-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

Last night was 5pm with Jason. I arrived with a feeling of doom and gloom hanging over my head. It was blazing hot and more humid than normal. The day before was the same and I powered through class no problem, but Sunday, well it felt different. I was hopped up on caffeine, had eaten only one bowl of cereal, ingested water but not enough and had sat outside in the blazing heat for 40 mins talking with a friend before heading to yoga. A recipe for disaster.
Of course, like a self fulfilling prophecy, I fell apart. I hit my knees during standing bow (that's pretty bad, I don't normally have problems that soon) and all in all I sat out maybe 40 percent of the entire class. I just couldn't keep it together. I even.............LEFT THE ROOM during 2 min savasana to go fill up my water.
Shame on me!
I have been practicing since April 1st, 2007 and can count on ONE HAND the number of times I have left the room.
Tsk tsk!!!!!

Guess I'll stay awhile....

2011-08-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

As my 2 month groupon special gets closer to wrapping up at Summerlin, I find myself feeling nostalgic. I'm having so much fun with the instructors and with my yogi friends. Practicing together, messing with each other's "airplanes" in full locust, suffering together in the lobby after a beating and also celebrating (last night after Lacey's class!) after a great class. I left last night wanting to stay just a little bit longer....I only have 2 weeks left.
The universe is good. On my way to work this morning a coworker forwarded me the Summerlin newsletter. They are having a "this weekend only" 2 mo. unlimited special for a kick butt price. I jumped right on it and purchased it online!
So I think I'll stay for awhile......

Counter intuitive or an excuse?

2011-08-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

I have been going to the awesome Bikram Summerlin studio for the last month. In that time, I have averaged 4 classes a week. Not as many as I'd like, but I'm so happy to be back doing bikram that any bikram is better than NO bikram. I have noticed, since I've been back, that my two month absence from yoga set me back far in my practice. So, to get up to speed, I'm LISTENING very carefully to the dialog, that quite frankly, when I was going everyday I would tune out from time to time. This has helped me tremendously. In fact, I am making progress that I did not make before, when I was on auto pilot.
One of my favorite instructors, Lacey, teaches up at Summerlin. She has eyes in the back of her head. Seriously. I think they must install them at teacher training. I cannot get away with anything when I take her class! She noticed, right off the bat, that I don't kick out first set of standing head to knee. Here is my logic on that:: when I do kick out first set, I can't hold it very long. Then I get super tired from trying to kick out both sets and my bow sucks, so I'll just hold my foot the whole time first set. Makes sense, right? (you can laugh, it's ok)
Soo....she started to call me out on it. "bikramyogachick, kick out!". EVERYTIME I took her class. So I started to kick out first set all of the time, whether or not she was teaching. I could hold it a little better each time and eventually I got stronger and was not wiped out by standing bow because my endurance improved by leaps and bounds. Oh, and on the right side.....can almost get my forehead to my knee. WOW!
So thank you Lacey. For encouraging me to push to my edge and breakthrough my excuses!

Wild Eyed

2011-07-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

I redeemed one of my groupons. It is for 2 months at Bikram Yoga Summerlin. I went Sunday night at 5pm after missing two months of Bikram. I was a bit nervous. I brought a friend, it was his first time ever. I went towards the back and put him in the row behind me. Normally summer in Vegas is hot and dry. Sunday it was cloudy, hot and HUMID outside, which made it even worse in the room. I have no idea what the stats were in the room, but I'm sure it wasn't pretty. I was dripping during pranayama breathing and quite frankly was tired by the end of the second set. TIRED at the end of breathing! Oh boy, I knew I was in trouble. I tried to focus, tried to breathe, but ended up having to take a knee a couple of times in the standing series. I didn't stay down for long, like a tired boxer I popped back up, ready for more. My friend was funny. He staggered up to my mat after eagle and whispered "Do I have to stay in here the whole time?" I nodded yes and he went back to his mat, his eyes dazed and wild. He was panicking. I tried to give him a reassuring look, but he wasn't paying any attention to me. I thought "uh oh. He's on tilt!" Then, he took a giant breath, took his shirt off and focused. He made it through the whole class and paid for one month afterwards. He LOVED it! We are going back Wednesday night. Yay!

Groupon and Living Social

2011-06-28T15:42:00.001-07:00

I have a ten class card to Bikram Westside, a 2 month unlimited card to Bikram Summerlin and a 30 day unlimited at Vegas HOT!

Thank you Groupon and Living Social. You rock!

Back to yoga here I go!

Hips Don't Lie.....

2011-06-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

I tried Zumba last night. Here are the highlights:
1. The class was approx 70 women and 1 gay male wearing a cut off tank top (and he was rockin' it out let me tell you).
2. The instructor can move her hips like shakira.
3. I can't.
4. Men stand outside the room and peer in at us (I was at the gym)
5. My friend and I looked retarded but could not stop laughing.
6. It's a great workout...kind of like doing jumping jacks for an hour solid.
7. I am totally uncoordinated.
8. What my eyes saw and what my mind tried to translate down to my feet and hips was completely wrong.
9. Did I tell you we looked retarded?
10. IT WAS FUN.

Yes, I think I will go back!

Shut up and breathe

2011-04-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

Me: "F@#k it's hot in here!"
Me back to me: "Well done Captain Obvious, you are in Bikram after a four week absence. Now shut up and breathe"

Shut up and breathe I did. Looking at myself in the mirror in wonder at my flexibility being in tact but not my strength. I had to constantly remind myself not to sink into my joints. That has never been a problem before. Strange how the one thing I didn't start with (flexibility) stays with me now after my breaks.

After class I lay there and a bikram-ism popped into my mind "operation successful, all patients dead" and a huge smile played across my face.

Fear

2011-04-24T20:08:00.001-07:00

Dear hot room,
I have not visited you in 3 and 1/2 weeks.
My yoga bag is packed.
I have smart water.
I have emergen-c packets.
I'm hydrating NOW for a class 22 hours from now.
I must confess, I feel something strange about our upcoming visit. It feels a bit like......fear.

Checking in and letting go......

2011-03-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

I'm still around. Reading your blogs. Practicing yoga. My challenge? Well, I did 24 classes in 27 days. I have no excuses for not making 30. I could have made 30. All of the things that have been blocking me from completing challenges are still there. The thing is, they are inside of me. I can't seem to figure out how to get out of my own way lately. I feel a bit lost, a bit adrift. So when you are a tiny boat being tossed around the giant waves of your own making, what do you do? You go deep. Dive down....deep, deep, deep, until you are laying on the bottom in the peaceful stillness, far away from the waves. The only place I know where to do that is yoga. So I keep dragging my mat back into the studio.

Tonight was an amazing practice with Dray leading us. I had two girls to the right of me and one to the left that were all very strong in their practices. I noticed, during standing head to knee we all kicked out and looked like steady upside down letter L's, breathing in sync, waiting for the instruction to bring our elbows down. It was beautiful. I felt connected to those three women in that moment. It was an incredible feeling.
Recently I stumbled across a poem that I am IN LOVE with. I want to share it with you.

She let go.

"She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the 'right' reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn't ask anyone for advice. She didn't read a book on how to let go... She didn't search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn't promise to let go. She didn't journal about it. She didn't write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn't check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn't analyze whether she should let go. She didn't call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn't do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn't call the prayer line. She didn't utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn't good and it wasn't bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore."
- Ernest Holmes

Day 23: ONE

2011-03-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

Tonight was 6pm with Dray. There were SIXTY yogis in the room. Kneeling in the second row on the side of the room that I don't normally go to (far from the door!) and looking around I felt a low hum of anticipation. Energy was circling, almost visible, like a thin smoke, weaving around the yogi's and yogini's kneeling at attention. Dray started the class out with a little pep talk and then got right into it. I stood up expecting to be in the way of most people behind me and admired how everybody was staggered nicely, getting a little slice of the mirror. I met my eyes in the mirror, noting it was already pretty humid and remembered all I need is to breathe. Normally during a packed class you experience somebody crashing into you because they don't understand staggering properly. Not tonight. It was effortless. Bodies just moved into place and continued on into posture. There was hardly any room, yet there was plenty of room. We were packed in, yet instead of feeling like sardines I felt like I do at night when I crawl into bed and burrow down into my comforter. I felt safe. I felt energy. I felt....dare I say...love? I know, it sounds corny. But it was there, in that room tonight. Yes, there were 60 yogis and 1 incredible teacher in that room, but really just 1 body and 1 voice.

Day 22: Stay in the room

2011-03-01T21:15:00.000-08:00

Wow. What a rollercoaster this challenge has been.
I get knocked down.
Then I get up again.
Then I get knocked down.
Then I get up again.
There is no consistency to my classes....I am all over the board. A great class, then the yoga truck runs me over the next day, then a good one, then the yoga truck again. It's been so different than anything I've experienced previously. I must say it's good though. I'm sure it's because I did so little yoga the past year. This feels right. I have 8 days to complete 30 days and would need to do 3 doubles if I'm going to make the 30 in 30. I haven't been feeling good enough to conquer a second class right after any of my 6pm's. I keep thinking if I feel good one night I'll just stay and do 8. I'm not "planning" my double because I'd rather not put that pressure on myself given how often the yoga truck has been tormenting me this time around!
We'll just see what happens. I'm most likely going to go for 60 and would have more time to make up the three missed classes anyway. 30 just feels too early to end. It's already just 8 days away and I haven't even hit my stride yet!
So tonight was 6pm with Marie and I got knocked down again. It was pretty humid and after standing series was over I really started to feel it. My mind went bonkers and I actually was wishing I could leave. "You always stay in the room Michelle" drifted around in my head and I realized that after 4 years of bikram I've left the room a total of 3 or 4 times at the most. So yes, I stay in the room. That thought got me through the rest of a very tough session.
Phew!

Day 21: Feelin' Good

2011-02-28T20:48:00.001-08:00

6pm with Dray.
I FELT GOOD!

Day 18: Breakthrough

2011-02-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

The past few classes have been rough. The thing that has been blocking me from yoga surfaced last weekend and robbed me of two classes. So I have two missed classes to make up already. I panicked, wanted to throw in the towel and felt so frustrated. But I didn't. I just went back the very next day and kept going back. I got my butt kicked in that room everyday this past week since last Sunday (I missed last Fri and Sat). I just kept going, kept my focus and decided to do my best even if it meant lying flat on my back the last 20 mins (last Mon in John Sal's class!).
The payoff was tonight. Tonight was 6pm with Sharon. The room temp was perfect. The amount of yogi's and their focus was perfect. Sharon was spot on with her timing and encouragements. I melted into the class. Melted into the mirror, into my own eyes, into my sweaty limbs, into my breath that finally was not ragged and uncatchable. It was one of those classes that truly is a 90 min beautiful moving meditation.
I feel like I just got a massage.
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh

Day 17: Michelle gives Michelle a pep talk

2011-02-24T20:58:00.000-08:00

Tonight was 6pm with Marie. My lunch was sitting in my tummy like a giant ball of lead. Not a good sign starting off. I ate too late...it was almost 1:30. First forward fold I had to come out and then go back in, trying to breathe. I've never had to do that. By the time we got to triangle I wanted to take a knee. I just said to myself "look, you need to do this posture, it will help burn off that ball of lead in your tummy. Sitting out you miss that opportunity, now suck it up!" So I did...suck it up and complete the standing series without missing anything. Spine series was not fun but I did the best I could given my discomfort. When it was all over I was so glad I was able to be my own cheerleader and get through. It felt great!

Day 15: An old friend

2011-02-22T20:15:00.000-08:00

Tonight was 6pm with Marie. Class was hot, humid, hard....typical Marie. I like to refer to her as "Satan in a Sunday Hat". Because she's little and cute and has this really sweet voice.....then she kills you in that room....all the while still sounding cute. You have to work for it in her class. I was such a mess that I actually fell backward in triangle and ended up sitting on my butt in shock. I got up and got back in, but falling backward out of triangle, that was a first for me!
When I first started this blog I used to write about my friend Reggi. Her and I were there everyday at 5:30. There was a core group of us that I referred to as "the regulars" and we had alot of fun. When I left that studio (it became a non bikram studio, offering other hot yoga and hot pilates now too), Reggi stayed behind. Tonight she showed up at Bikram Westside and bought a 3 month pass! She's going to go back and forth between the two studios for awhile. Oh boy was I excited! Her and I have alot of catching up to do. And it was awesome to practice next to her again, even while getting killed!

Day 14:What is it about Johnny?

2011-02-21T16:35:00.000-08:00

Johnny Salvatore. An awesome teacher. Other teachers go to his class. Seriously, this guy is amazing, I've only been able to take his class 3 times now because he teaches Monday at 11 and 1 at my studio and I'm normally at work. So today I went to his 1pm class.
I about puked in my mouth.
I was flat on my back the last 20 mins.
I couldn't move.
I was so sick, it was unbelievable.
This has happened to me 2 out of the 3 times I've taken his class.
Why?
I have no idea. Now I feel compelled to take a vacation day on a Monday and try this again. I will not be flat on my back. I will complete his class! I've had tough classes, tough teachers, hot rooms, all sorts of challenging conditions. So what is it about his class????

Day 10: Ran out of Gas....

2011-02-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

Today was 6pm with Michael. I was feeling kinda "blah" walking in the door and tried to keep an open mind about class. No expectations either way. I pretty much got my butt kicked right off the bat. I tried to focus on breathing and just keep up but I was exhausted by triangle. Interestingly enough, I didn't take a knee. I was so tired that I felt like it would be more effort to kneel down and get back up rather than just "hang out" in the posture w/out pushing to my edge. By the time we got to the floor I could feel my energy waning. Usually that halftime 2 min savasana is my gas station. I get more energy laying there and can usually recover from a tough standing series. Not tonight. There was no gas to be had from the station and the needle dropped below E by the time I was on the second to last posture. Like a wind up doll on it's last leg I could barely execute the final few postures. When it was over I was extremely grateful that I made it. I dug deep and finished. What a great feeling!

Day 9: Disconnect

2011-02-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

Tonight was 6pm with Dray. It was one of those classes where you all of the sudden go "wait, what, we are in half moon already? Did I do both sets of pranayama breathing with everybody??" I just wasn't fully present. I kept yanking myself back into the room during standing series but floor series my mind checked out again. I made it through the class, I don't think I did anything weird (gosh I hope not!) and felt good when it was over. Laying in final savasana I could hear the wind whipping around outside. As I was leaving it almost blew me down the stairs. "Power" I thought to myself. Most of the time Las Vegas weather is pretty innocuous. It makes me miss the fierce east coast weather of my childhood. Thunder storms, wind, snow, ice.....you can feel natures power. Here in the desert, it's easy to forget. The wind pushed me along to my car and just like that I was fully present again, the disconnect was gone.

Day 8: Feelin' Frisky.....

2011-02-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

Tonight was 6pm with mr. tall, dark and handsome...Michael. Class was amazing!
I can't believe I stayed away from Bikram for so long. My body, mind, emotions and spirit have been asleep and I didn't even realize it. It's only day 8 and I'm already waking up....especially my body.
My body feels like this:

Now if my outsides matched my insides we'd have a problem. Single men in a five mile radius would need to run tonight.....

The Wife Beater

2011-02-14T20:58:00.000-08:00

Today was day 7. After missing, well, pretty much a year of my bikram yoga practice, it's been pretty tough trying to convince myself to get back in the saddle. Last year after my aborted attempt at the 101 day challenge I fell off the radar. Not just with blogging but with yoga, and with life.
So back to mat I go. I've been wanting to come back, but something was blocking me. I still have not figured out what that block was, but it seems to have been removed. Now that the block has been lifted I feel like a dog, joyously riding in the car, head out the window, tongue lolling out and eyes partially closed. Ahhh!
The first few days back were me getting used to what I can no longer do in the postures due to my excess weight (look at my profile pic and add 27 pounds, that's me right now). What I can't do in the postures does not bother me at all, it's more like taking inventory mentally so when I start to improve I can celebrate it. I know what my body is capable of and I look forward to taking the poor car back out of the garage!
So, the first milestone in this challenge will be the removal of "the wife beater". You see, I used to wear hardly any clothes to yoga. Now, self conscious about my weight, I've got layers on, ending in the long tank top, aka "wife beater" over the sports bra. I realize that nobody in that room would care if I took it off now. They are not paying any attention to me and are there for themselves. But I just can't do it. Not yet.

Challenge

2011-02-14T08:50:00.000-08:00

I've already blown the whistle on myself in twitter. Also, I will need to blog, because it helps me get through. What am I talking about?
A challenge.
I'm on day 7.......
Will post tonight after class.

Camaraderie

2011-01-07T14:00:00.000-08:00

Last night was 6pm with the lovely Lacey. The class was pretty packed. The studio is of course doing a 60 day challenge to kick off the new year. I looked at the challenge poster with longing when I walked by it. I would like nothing better than to run up and put my name up there and say "yes! yes I will do a challenge!!" I won't do that to myself right now. I'm just trying to get back to a balance of going 4 to 5 times a week and do not feel like "failing" another challenge and getting frustrated with myself.
The classroom felt pretty hot and I was next to a couple of yogi friends. As things got rolling I tried very hard to just focus on my breath. I felt every little ache and pain of my under worked body and felt the lack of strength and endurance. Patiently I endured the standing series, giving myself permission to take a knee for a few quick seconds when I finally could not take anymore. The end result was sitting out one set of triangle. We hit the floor and suddenly things got......fun! Lacey was correcting Eddie (who was next to me) on getting his heels together in savasana. It got to the point where we were laughing with Eddie because he kept forgetting each time. Finally I nudged him and said "heels together!" before Lacey did. In the spine strengthening series we were really goofing off. Grabbing each other in full locust, blowing on each other's shoulders during the tummy down savasana's and just really having fun. It was really hot and the fun just ended up giving us the energy we needed to get through. At the end of the class I lay in savasana with a huge grin on my face. It doesn't matter how long I stay away, it's always the same when I come back. I'm always welcomed with smiles and open arms and I'm always back home, among my people.

Salt Water

2010-12-16T12:15:00.000-08:00

My practice has been sporadic since about April of this year. April is when I hit three years of doing Bikram and the first three years I was close to daily. Most of the time I was in the process of doing some kind of 30, 60 or 100 day challenge.
Suddenly this past week my motivation has slowly started to come back. The interesting thing about this is my attitude. You see, the past 8 months of going a few days and then missing a week or two weeks has caused me to be fearful when I'm "coming back". Oh, it's the second class back after missing xx amount of days, this is going to be painful.
Not this week. This week I walked in, threw my mat down, took a look in the mirror and felt peace wash over me. No fear. Just breathing and moving and practicing. No expectations of how I should be in any posture. I bathed in my sweat like it was holy water, eagerly awaiting each drop, each posture, each breath. I posted this on my facebook yesterday: "The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." I find this to be true for me, right now. As 2010 comes to a close I quietly close the book on several aspects of my life. I put it behind me, without judgement. I stand on my mat, drenched in the holy salt water, hopeful once again. Hope. It's been missing for a long time. I don't know why it left me. I've always been such a hopeful, positive, glass is half full person. Without hope, Michelle changed and it wasn't somebody I enjoyed being with. I was uncomfortable in the skin of this hopeless Michelle. She was no longer bikramyogachick. She could find joy in nothing, not even in her yoga. So I welcome hopeful Michelle back. I like her better. I hope she decides to do a challenge. To blog again. To smile again. To love again. To be playful and happy again.
My heart fills with joy today and looks forward to yoga again tonight......so these things are possible.....finally.

I've got my space back

2010-11-18T16:29:00.000-08:00

My last post mentioned that my blog hasn't been the free space it used to be when I started two years ago. I mentioned somebody reading that caused me to censor my words, my feelings, everything. He emailed me simply this: "I will NEVER read it again. I promise. Please don't stop because of me. I just wanted to know/was hoping you were OK....."
And I believe him. He won't read. So I have my space back. I can post honestly again. It's also time for a face lift. You know, some spring cleaning so to speak. My lists of blogs need to be cleaned up. Also there are some great new Bikram bloggers on the scene that I need to add! I've been finding them courtesy of Hannah's blog.
I missed you guys!

It's Unfortunate

2010-11-08T08:04:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed that over the past year my blog has lost alot of what made it "bikramyogachick's blog". I used to write daily and passionately. I shared my thoughts and feelings with you on my journey. Did I share too much? Sometimes I did, as this is a public space. For a long time I was anonymous, but then I started to connect with other bloggers in the bikram community and some of us started to break our anonymity. This past year I have been unable to write in the same manner. It came to my attention, via all of those wonderful blog statistics tools that somebody was reading who shouldn't have been. So I started to filter myself and post less frequently, and post less "me". I really thought that he would finally stop checking and fade off into the distance. Then I would have my space back, my bikramyogachick blog that is mine, and that I love. I love it because I love my readers. I love the comments, the support and most of all the friends I have met in person.....some as far away as Malaysia! What a fantastic thing that I was able to host a teacher trainee from Malaysia for a few days before and after training, all due to this wonderful little space I have claimed as my own!
I have decided that I can't blog here anymore, for a long time. I'm not going to delete it, but I also can't continue to half heartedly post, filtering because he's reading. I'd rather go dark and silent, no explanation, but then that's not fair to the people who have been following my journey. I wouldn't want any of you to worry about me! So I will continue my bikram journey in silence for awhile, and really, maybe that's for the best. After all, I do this yoga for me and right now I am drawn to the emotional healing aspect of bikram more than the physical after my tough year. So perhaps it's best for me to do that privately anyway. I feel good about this decision because I need to completely shut the door on this person. He has moved on and is practically engaged, but yet he still reads. I'm tired of wondering why. It doesn't matter why and it's not good for me to wonder why. It makes it hard to completely move on from the hurt that lingers from that very short chapter of my life.
So off I go.....
Thank you so much for all of your wondeful comments. I am always blown away by the quality of people in the bikram community. I will still read your blogs. Sometimes I don't comment, but I always read! You are all very inspiring. If I come back, with a different URL in the future, well, I know how to find all of you and tell you where I am.

Day 4: A full house

2010-11-05T16:31:00.000-07:00

Last night was 6pm with Dray again. Third night in a row with the fabulous Dr. Dray! The room was packed, about 50 students with at least 8 of them being first timers. I was in the second row and ended up being asked to move to front to accomodate some late comers. I did and wound up next to one of the regulars. She had read my blog post about the camel-a-thon and decided to try it. She did great! Rocked it out. I happened to be flat on my back for camel so I kept glancing over. It was her first time staying in both sets but it sure didn't look like it. She was very calm and very strong. Speaking of flat on my back, I sat out triangle, couldn't stay in for standing head to knee at all, had a weak standing bow and suffered during locust and fixed firm. Oh vey, the yoga truck got me.....again!

Day 3: There's that damn truck again....

2010-11-04T16:40:00.000-07:00

Last night was 6pm with Dray. Once again it was smokin' hot in there. I was tired all day and wasn't sure what to expect in class. We started breathing and by the last few in the second set I was dripping and my shoulders were aching. I couldn't wait for the breathing to be over. I muddled my way through the rest of the warm up and when we got to eagle I gulped down some water at party time. My balancing postures were a wreck. I was weak and kept falling out and my knee was killing me. By the time we hit the floor for savasana I was very aware I had just spent the last 45 mins being run over by the yoga truck. In fact that little bastard even flipped me the bird as he drove off. I struggled through the last half of the class and threw up a little "thanks" to the cosmos when it was over. I was glad I made it through in one piece.

Day 2: Camel-a-thon

2010-11-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

Last night was 6pm with Dray. When I got into the room, I knelt down on my mat and thought "holy mother of God it's hot I should take off this tank top but I can't oh my god I'm going to die it's so freakin' hot". If I'm thinking that then you know it's hot, because in general I love the heat and am rarely bothered by it. Dray taught his usual high energy amazing class. Where does he get all of his energy? The class was pretty full and we all just powered through, breathing, sweating, working as a unit. You could really feel the group energy. We got to camel and a girl stayed in after the first set while we were in savasana. She kept staying in there through the second set and came out with us at the end. All total she had to be in camel for three or four minutes because the first set he had us in there for a minute. I've seen other yogis do this. I can only imagine how intense it is. I was spent after being in there for just one minute! So of course now I want to try this sometime (are you surprised?). Dray is teaching again tonight. I guess I better brace myself for another hot and high energy class.

**a note on running: some of you may have seen a few posts and even another blog briefly regarding me training for a half marathon. To make a long story short: I'm not sure I will be able to do it. The running brought back a knee injury from running cross country in high school. This was a knee injury that I healed by my bikram practice two years ago. I still am trying to run but it's hurting pretty bad. This is why I've decided to do alot of yoga, to see if I can counteract this injury and keep training. So far it's getting worse not better, but then I just started the yoga last week. So we'll see. I deleted the running blog because it just wasn't as fun to write about running. Perhaps it's the missing "social aspect". Sometimes funny things happen in that hot room and makes for good blog fodder. Running by yourself, well....not so much.

I'm never washing my cheek again....and Day 1 of 30

2010-11-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

Last night was 8pm with Michael. I met my yoga buddy Carmen down there and her and I set up in the front row. Before class, Michael came over and said "good to see you back" and gave me a little peck on the cheek. He walked back out of the room and I sat there kneeling on my mat, pleased as punch. God I missed my yoga friends! They are all so loving and so good to me! I've said this many times before and I'll say it again: I've found my people.
Right then and there I decided that since it was Nov. 1st, what a great day to start a 30 day challenge. I can't let Hannah do one all by herself!

I'm Official

2010-10-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

Today was my fourth class back. There was a few days lapse between class 3 and 4 mostly due to me savoring this 10 class card. I didn't want to use it up too quickly. That's not an issue anymore because today after class I bought three months of yoga. So I'm officially back as a member who can do unlimited yoga again. I went to 1pm with George. He had a Halloween mask on for the first few minutes of teaching then said "forget it, it's too hot!" Dray had taught the 11am and boy oh boy was the room toasty! I had to really focus on my breath. My class went OK with the same issues I had the first three classes, with the exception of camel. I can get into camel, both sets and hold it already. Making progress feels good! Now to work on fixed firm. I really cannot even get my butt down, much less begin to lay back. It's quite baffling, as I used to ease right into the full expression of that posture and just kind of "hang out". Now it's just complete agony. It will just take more yoga. Alot more yoga.
After class, while I was purchasing my three months, Greg from "another version of the truth" blog showed up for the 3pm. Erika was teaching (in a cute bumble bee costume) and he said she's one of his new favorites. I used to take her class alot when I was up at the Summerlin studio and she's fantastic. It was really nice to see Greg, and I think it's awesome that he's doing a bit of studio hopping. I'm a big fan of that and wish it wasn't so cost prohibitive. Just imagine if all of the Bikram studios in town were linked and you could go to any if you were an unlimited member at one. Heaven! I would be in complete and utter heaven!

Pass me a cigarette....and I don't smoke!

2010-10-27T11:55:00.000-07:00

I miss my yoga friend Reggi. Her and I used to really live it up back in the old days. If you've been following me for any length of time, you are familiar with the day we could not stop laughing, us making an R and M sandwich with "looks-like-an-underwear-model " Christian, and our constant "pass me a cigarette" reference for hot yogi's and yoga instructors (think: old movies where they smoke after satisfying sex). Last night I went to the 6pm class with Frank for day 3 on my journey back home to Bikram yoga. I sat in the lobby chatting with the new group of regulars before class. It's nice to see old friends and start to get to know the new batch as well. Class with Frank was divine. I still had the same issues (fixed firm, triangle, camel) but I didn't care. I just did the best I could. Frank was very sweet and told me after class that I'm still strong. Love him so much. He has been a huge part of my journey these past few years. He always encourages and compliments me and he looks great in his yoga shorts. I lay there in savasana after class thinking "pass me a cigarette" in Reggi's voice. Can't wait for round 4 tonight with Dray. I'm going to the 8pm with two of my old yoga friends, Mark and Carmen. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Also, my baby girl turns 16 today! We have all sorts of plans for this weekend. Shopping, shopping, shopping!

The Revenge of the Locust

2010-10-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I headed back to the studio after work, eager to get day 2 out of the way. For anybody who practices Bikram yoga regularly, you are probably familiar with the "second day back is hell" concept. I find that after missing Bikram for over 7 days in a row, the second night back is worse than the first. This may not be true for everybody, but other yogis have commiserated with me that yes, this indeed has been their experience. I checked the schedule before I left and saw that Lacey was teaching. Swoon! Lacey is in my top 5 of all time teacher list. She is right up there with Brandy, the current world champ. Brandy has been one of my favorites for over 2 years now.
I got to the studio early, as usual, and sat on the couch reading. The 4pm class started to trickle out. I saw some other students waiting but it didn't appear to be all that busy yet, so I waited a bit before going in to set up my mat. When I finally did get up and carry my mat in what I saw as I opened the door cracked me up. Already there were about 10 mats set up, all on the door side of the room. No mats at all on the other half of the room. It was clear that all 10 were jockeying for air space by the doors. Chuckling and shaking my head, I went over to the other side and set my mat down. I figured I was going to be a mess no matter what, so I'll take the "hot side with no air" and suck it up. I will let the strong students who will be working hard get the nice blast of door air. I figured I'd be on my knees most of the time anyway.
I wasn't. On my knees. I was OK for most of the standing series, again having issues locking my knees and getting my hips down in triangle. I just breathed, got into the postures as best as I could and put down the 10 foot long bat I normally beat myself up with mentally. The floor series was a whole 'nother ball of wax. I once again could not get my ass down in fixed firm. Then came locust. Salabhasana (Locust Pose) to be exact. Sunday it hurt. Last night it was excruciating. My elbows hurt so bad that I could not shift my weight to lift both legs off the ground for the third part. I just lay there, on my arms, legs on the floor still, face contorted, trying to breathe steady, trying not to scream out loud. I wonder if it hurt this bad three years ago, when I was a newbie? Just like the pain of labor fades from memory when you hold your beautiful baby in your arms, so does the pain of starting your practice. So I don't know if it was this bad in the beginning, all I know is the pain will subside with regular practice and my practice will again unfold into that precious meditation I used to lose myself in daily. But for now, I HATE locust! The floor series ground on slowly, making me really have to focus. I was in heavy second day detox mode and by the time I got to Camel I felt like I was going to projectile vomit onto the surrounding yogis. I started to go back for camel and the world spun sideways, wildly spinning off its axis. I sat back up and knelt down. Kneeling was not comfortable, those tight knees barked at me. So I sat indian style. Boy oh boy do I have far to go to get back to where I was in my practice. This does not depress or sadden me though. Instead, it excites me. I suppose it's because I have done this before and I know it's a given that my body will improve, strengthen, progress. There is no "what if" factor. It's just a truth. A Bikram truth. Can't wait until tonight!

Lock your Goddamn knee!!

2010-10-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

After a three month hiatus, I ventured back into the Bikram room yesterday. I plotted and planned my return. Get up and eat a light breakfast. Easy on the coffee. Water, water, water. Go at 1pm so I don't suffer the am stiffness. (I hate morning practices! I am an afternoon/evening yogi through and through). I arrived at Bikram Westside 40 mins early and was happy to see Noel was teaching. I hadn't looked up the schedule on purpose. I just wanted to show up and let everything else fall into place. Noel was happy to see me and I her. I changed and put my mat down. Sweat trickled down the inside of my tank top as I was smoothing my yogi toes out over my mat. Oh vey, I had forgotten what the Bikram room feels like! Finally class starts and I stand up, nervously trying to place my feet properly. I look at my reflection in the mirror and it looks foreign to me. Ten pounds heavier than last time I was in the room, I see my generous curves reflected back at me, tank top covering my sports bra. Yes, I used to wear yoga pants and sports bra only. That won't be happening anytime soon. It's not what other people think either, it's truly that I cannot bear to look at it myself right now. The tank top will come off when I am ready, but who knows when that will be.
Breathing starts and my brain was doing a happy dance. My stomach started to flip flop with joy. I actually smiled during breathing, which is sorta awkward as you can imagine. After eagle I felt like "ya boyz and girlz, let's get this party started!!" Then the one legged balancing series commenced and my excitement diminished as I realized I could not keep my knee locked. Yes, I still had the stamina and most of the flexibility to get into postures but No, I could not hold them as my friggin knee would not stay locked. It hurt. It burned. I had to sort of shuffle from foot to foot, shaking out each leg after each set. My knees ached so badly. By the time we got to triangle I realized my hips were too tight to really get down there and form that L with my leg. Then by fixed firm, the tight aching knees said "no more!" and I sat there, upright, trying to work my butt down and it wouldn't touch. I opened my knees wider, but to no avail. I didn't get frustrated with any of this. I just took note of it so I could rejoice later when it starts to get better. And get better it will. This I know from three years of Bikram experience. I was so happy to be there that during a savasana in spine series little tears leaked out of my eye. I couldn't help it. All sorts of emotions bubbled up to the surface and my heart and soul were singing with joy to be there. The last three months have felt like a walking coma, but coming back to Bikram was truly an awakening. Yes, this is what it feels like to be alive! No, this doesn't happen in the gym, or running on the street. Those feel good, but they don't wake me up and fill me with joy like Bikram does.
I'm going back tonight. I feel like a little kid, tugging on her mothers skirt with excitement. I can hardly contain myself.

Loosen Up (your grip)

2010-08-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight was 6pm with Oleg. Mellow, chill, nice Oleg. He's chill, but the room certainly wasn't. It was a nice hot and humid class without being over the top. Hot enough to force you to focus, humid enough to sweat early and often. As I was getting ready to do standing head to knee a conversation from two days ago came back into my mind and I decided to try the advice I heard that day. The conversation was with teacher Marie, who also competed last year. She reiterated for me something I have heard before but have never been able to incorporate into my practice. It's about your grip. Once you are kicking out and working on bringing your elbows down, it's hard to get where you need to be if you are holding your foot in a death grip. It's all in locking that kicked out leg and sucking in the stomach. The posture is major core. If you loosen the grip on your foot slightly, and make sort of a box with your hands it's easier to bring the elbows down and work toward the final expression with your forehead to your knee. I hope I'm describing this correctly! It's much easier when somebody demonstrates.
Anyway, in real life I seem to fall out as soon as I loosen my grip and tonight was no different. What I didn't do, in retrospect was re-lock my standing leg right before loosening it. Marie suggested that. She said anytime she makes a correction to her standing head to knee or standing bow she consciously checks in with that locked leg and it helps her to perform the tweak without losing the posture. Oh well, there's always tomorrow!

Locals: this Sunday (Aug 8th) at 9am Dray is teaching a free Bikram class at Town Square in the park. We will be outside in the park under tents. Arrive 10 mins early to sign in. Kids welcome! This is part of the fitness in the square event every Sunday sponsored by Yogi's Unite. Come down and join the fun!

No more binkies!

2010-08-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Binkies are pacifiers or blankies for babies. Tonight, at 6pm yoga with Dray, binkies were outlawed. During the first three postures of the class, laughter suddenly erupted from several students. Dray was running around collecting hand towels. He said "no more binkies!" Stripped of their crutches, several students struggled. One of my dear friends uses a hand towel to grip her ankle for standing bow pulling posture all of the time. Stripped of her binkie, she giggled and shook her head during the set up for that posture like "how the heck am I going to do this?" Dray noticed and said "you can do this!" She did. She executed her gorgeous bow as is normal for her cute little self. Perhaps she fell out early, I don't know. Only she knows. What I do know is even if she did slip or fall out and feel uncomfortable, Dray was not being mean. He was helping her. He chuckled late in the class, holding up a few towels. "We've got the binky lost and found right here! Come collect 'em after class!"
Roughly a year into my practice I ditched the hand towel and never looked back. I didn't use it for grips, really I was just wiping my face when I got to the floor, but it was a crutch and a distraction. My practice advanced by leaps and bounds when I threw the binkie out the window.
Do you have a crutch? I know that there are always many reasons why they are needed. Good reasons. But think about it. What if you could ditch the binky and soar to new heights....all by yourself. Just you, your mat, and your strong sweaty grip.....

It's Like Riding a Bike

2010-07-30T21:04:00.001-07:00

6pm with Frank. Carmen, Pam and other friends surrounding me and sharing energy. I raised my arms over my head for half moon and sighed into the posture. Ahhhhh. I had two little rough spots (triangle and camel) but overall felt much better in the third class back. I paid attention to form by really listening to the dialog and I felt like I was learning some things all over again....looking at some of the postures with fresh eyes. The skin I was in felt more like mine once more.....the glimpse of my "yoga body" coming back. I always say my "yoga body" is when I just feel so connected and almost lithe during practice.
I'm glad it's all coming back to me so quickly. Just like riding a bike, right? I hope other things are just like riding a bike. I haven't been on a date since last fall. Haven't even flirted or smiled or cast my eyes in any mans direction invitingly since then. Maybe I should try again. I think I'm gonna need some training wheels for that bike!

Second Night Suffering

2010-07-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

I've gone to yoga twice since I wrote the last post about missing a month. The first night back was Friday at 6 with Sharon. The class was hard, but manageable. My arms felt like lead weights. My legs got tired quickly (lock the knee for a minute? I used to do that?). My eyes didn't want to focus on myself in the mirror. I looked awkward, stilted in my practice. My limbs tried to form the postures, and for the most part looked like I used to remember them, but the connection I used to feel to my body was missing. I am uncomfortable in this skin right now.
Tonight I went back for round 2. Wednesday night is a bit busier than Friday's last class of the day so I got to see lots of yoga friends and teachers tonight. Lots of hugs. Lots of laughter. Lots of "where have you been?" I felt missed and that felt good. I burrowed into the lobby couch before class, Mark and Tommie on either side of me and felt truly at home. I belong in a Bikram yoga studio. It's that simple. I need to figure out how to get to training someday and be a teacher, but alas, that could be a whole post on it's own. Before going into class I whined a bit to Mark and Tommie about how hard it was going to be. I wasn't trying to be negative. I've just been around long enough to know about "the second class back". If you've ever gone on vacation for a week or two, or just missed over 7 days after a regular practice for any reason, then you know what I'm talking about. Usually the first night welcomes you back. Embracing your awkwardness as you attempt to get your bearings. The first night smiles at you, reassures you, lets you know that you are welcome back anytime! Then the second night marches right in and kicks your ass from here to China. The second night says "ok, welcome back now lets get down to business. Feel those lead arms? That's right, you did that. Oh, a little out of breath? Here, let me put an elephant on your chest. Let's crank that heat and humidity up while we are at it as well. You've been a naughty toxic girl. Out it comes!" And so it goes. Second night beating is not fun. Tonight did not disappoint. I threw up in my mouth, looked around wild eyed and lay flat on my back for several postures at the very end of the floor series. My stomach was lurching and heaving and I was in serious danger of tossing my cookies. Sitting in the lobby afterwards, looking and feeling like death warmed over I was the happiest I have been all summer. Life threw me some curve balls this year. Instead of getting upset I have just trudged forward, head down, one front in front of the other. As things were stripped away, light filtered in and put halos around what I had left. I knew with absolute clarity that so many things really don't matter. What does matter I will hold onto with all of my might. My daughter, my family and my health. For these I am grateful. Bikram yoga has been such a huge part of my life for 3 years. The month I spent without it made me fall in love with it even more. It's a gift, one that I will cherish for all of the days that I am blessed to be able to practice it.
Oh, and also.....I got a bare chested (him) sweaty (me after class) hug from my yoga crush. I should miss 30 days more often!

This is what happens.....

2010-07-20T10:30:00.001-07:00

This is what happens when you practice almost everyday for THREE years and then stop for a MONTH....

I've noticed I can't inhale as deeply....I feel short on oxygen. Of course I'm under crushing stress. The kind that makes people jump off tall buildings. So most days I walk around with an elephant sitting on my chest. Bikram helped me to inhale, even with the elephant taking residence.
I'm tired. Alot.
My lower back aches after sitting at my desk all day. My knees creak. I absentmindedly rub my knotted up neck. I find myself rubbing knots out of my feet.
I inhabit my body awkwardly. Getting in and out of cars, sitting and rising from low couches. This is all done without the grace that comes naturally from a regular yoga practice.
I get headaches.
I don't have that "lightness of being" that gift of feeling good that comes with practicing Bikram. I can feel a huge difference. It's really a lack of "well being".

The good news: I get to go back.....TOMORROW. I was on track to be able to get back in August. I was trying to be patient. Then out of the blue, an opportunity dropped into my lap. Somebody up there loves me.

So tomorrow. I get to die a hot sweaty death. I'm nervous. I called in the big guns. My two yoga bff's are going to come take class with me. I will have their energy to feed off of!

THE TENT

2010-06-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

Friday was the last class for the Spring 2010 teacher trainees. Fellow yogini Carmen and I decided to meet down there. We both got there pretty early and immediately started running into teachers and students from other studios. We set up on the left side of the tent about three rows from the back. The back 4 or 5 rows are reserved for guests. As more teachers and students arrived from our studio, we kept laying down towels to save spaces. I ended up being surrounded by students and teachers I knew, which made for an amazing class. The tent was packed to the gills. 365 teacher trainees and probably close to 300 guests. It was also HOT. HUMID and HOT. This was my first class with Bikram himself and I was excited to see what my own reaction to him would be. I have practiced at so many studios, read so many blogs and talked to so many yogi's that I've heard alot of his quotes, mannerisms...everything. It's like I've already been around him, but I hadn't. Standing there with all of those yogis, getting ready to start breathing was an experience that can hardly be put into words. The love, energy, excitement, joy, acceptance was tangible in that big white tent. The heaters worked, steam came out of misters in the ceiling and droplets of sweat formed on bellies and backs before we even got started...and then there was boss. Standing up on the platform, in front of his large throne-like chair, headset on, little black shorts and hair back he looked exactly like every other picture of him posted on the Internet teaching. He doesn't change....he is timeless. He started to talk and the trainees stood there, tense with excitement, looking like live wires. Nine weeks of yoga bootcamp over....their excitement bubbling over. Right away Bikram is making jokes. We are trying to do pranayama breathing and he says something so ridiculous that we are all laughing. Try to laugh during breathing. It doesn't really work. We get to awkward posture and he decides he needs to adjust his balls. Suddenly he goes behind his chair, fixes his balls, then gets down into third part of awkward and starts hopping around. "See. Balls fixed. I can do this forever" **bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.....freeze** applause and laughter. A huge smile was plastered across my sweaty face. I was absolutely charmed and delighted. I love him. That's my reaction. He picked on a few people during class. No, it wasn't directed at me, but I can say with absolute certainty that if it were I wouldn't have taken offense. He does it with love and humor. You can tell it's not malicious. The class was very hard but at the end with Bikram playing music and trainees dancing around the tent I was very glad I did not miss this. Training is in San Diego in the fall. No more Las Vegas training. I picked the perfect class to go to!

I did run into DancingJ but it was just briefly before class so no picture. Sorry. She was glowing. I am so proud of her....so happy for her! She did not teach here, went right home to teach first thing Monday morning at her home studio. No worries, I will take her class someday! She lives 30 mins from my home town, so I will get to her class....eventually....or in the future.

**I'll go ahead and clarify something I said, because I got asked this in the comments, but I'm sure more people will be wondering as well. The fall 2010 teacher training is officially going to be in San Diego, not Las Vegas. Bikram himself made the announcement before class Friday night. He said he had just signed the papers and that it will definitely be there. I'm sure they will update their website soon.

Me and Carmen after class (What's up with my freaky yoga eyes??)

Day 13: Two behind but feelin' fine.....

2010-06-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

Today was 6pm with Frank. It was not very busy, which seems to happen during the summer. The class was lighthearted, the temperature pleasant and my body felt pretty good. I was a little dehydrated, but no stiffness or pain anywhere. I missed Monday and Tuesday (a bout of food poisoning) so I've got two to make up. I already have my doubles mapped out (split doubles of course) and one of them involves the last class with the trainees down at the tent. (Big G, if you are reading this: Friday, 5pm, the tent...be there!) I will bring the camera and try to hunt down dancingJ for you guys! A picture of her and I on her last day of training would be great!

Day 8, 9 and 10

2010-06-13T20:41:00.001-07:00

6pm with Frank, 11am with Dray and 1pm with George. An exercise in mediocrity, a struggle and a beautiful dream.
Done, done and done!
1/3 of the way through....

Day 7: Drayisms

2010-06-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

Tonight was 6pm with Dray. It was packed. There were over 50 students in the room and roughly 15 of them were new. Amidst all of the flurry of activity as yogis jockeyed for space, I knelt on my mat quietly, feeling pensive. I gazed into the mirror, noticing the soft rolls around my midsection, the wide hips and the rolls peeking out from the sides of my sports bra right around the underarm area. Two years ago, this was what I looked like. Then I lost 20lbs and kept at least half of it off until now. I've run the gamut of being angry with myself, being sad, being frustrated, being anything but forgiving. As I sat there I realized now I just feel empty. The place where happiness used to live is empty. I stood up for practice and spent the next 90 minutes alternating between thinking too much and not thinking. Dray's nuggets of wisdom, or "Drayisms" as I love to call them, would spur me to another train of thought everytime he peppered one into the dialog. Tonight, the physical part of the postures were almost an afterthought. Tonight I dove into layers of emotional "stuff". At the end of class, laying in savasana, Dray said something about happiness. Am I happy? I wondered. The answer didn't come right away. Not happy but not unhappy finally felt right. What used to make me happy? Hope. The word came quickly. Hope. I was always working toward something. A better position at work to take better care of me and my daughter, and of course, that true love, that would turn into marriage, just waiting to swoop into my life when I was least expecting it. This past year I realized I have the job/position already (which is good!) and the true love illusions were completely shattered for me last year. Add to that the personal challenges I've faced this year that can't be blogged about, hope doesn't really spring eternal right now. Practicing yoga has taught me to always try to be present in and out of the room. To be grateful. What I've been missing is learning not to tie the strings of my happiness to fragile hope balloons. What I'm missing is to truly feel happy and content in the present moment, regardless of my life circumstances.
Rolling up my mat, armed with these thoughts and realizations, I knew I had already won half the battle. The rest will work itself out......as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other on the right path....the path that includes putting those feet on a yoga mat everyday.

Day 6: Straight Feels Crooked

2010-06-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl, I remember being diagnosed as having a slightly crooked spine. A slight case of scoliosis. There was some anxiety as I went to my pediatrician every six months or so to get it rechecked. He said if it got any worse, I'd be in a back brace. The back brace never became reality and I continued on in life with my slightly crooked spine. Frequently in yoga, I become aware that I am not laying straight in both stomach and back facing savasanas. However, since I'm not standing over myself, I have no idea which adjustments to make to straighten out.
Frank notices this and fixes me sometimes. Tonight, after slugging my way through a very mediocre feeling class, I lay in final savasana, crooked. Frank came over, lifted my head gently and moved it left. Then he gently pushed my left shoulder down towards the back wall. "There, you are straight now". These two adjustments are the same everytime. I lay there, feeling completely crooked, wondering how I could be straight. My instinct was to get up and end the savasana. Instead I lay there in wonderment at how very crooked laying straight feels!

Day 5: I get by with a little help from my smokin' hot yoga friends

2010-06-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

Tonight was 6pm with Dray. I went in with no expectations after the struggle that was last nights practice. Yoga BFF's Tommie and Shelley were there. Shelley and I set up in the front row next to regular Alli with Tommie behind us. Class started with the entire back row being first timers. Dray was his usual awesome self. As we were starting I was distracted for a second by a handsome yogi behind me. I gave myself a mental slap to snap out of it and focused. The room was hotter and more humid than yesterday. I burrowed into the heat, welcoming the release it provided my muscles and joints. I hit the deck for the floor series sweaty, happy, breathing. We get to full locust and I feel an arm lay gently across my ankles. I sneak a peak in the mirror and notice that smokin' hot handsome yogi behind me is the one navigating the lack of real estate and improvising. I flushed with unexpected pleasure. The casual easy way he did that was so different than most people who are freaked out by the sweat in the room and will twist into a pretzel before touching another yogi, especially one you do not know. Second set I feel the gentle pressure of the arm again. We go up into the posture and Dray says "that's right dr., now help her get her ankles up!" I had no idea who "dr." was until suddenly the arm was under my feet, lifting them higher. I smiled, which is a bad idea in full locust because you pretty much look constipated when smiling in that pose.
After class I floated out of the locker room, feeling the yoga glow. As I'm leaving my yoga crush walks in. I say hi and float on out......

Day 4: Resistance

2010-06-07T20:41:00.000-07:00

Today was 6pm with Dray. I pulled up to the studio, knowing my two yoga bff's were not going to be there. I trudged up the stairs with the hot desert wind buffeting my body. This past weekend and today Las Vegas has seen temperatures upwards of 110. I set up for class feeling drained from my brief interaction with the intense heat. I chatted with regular Joe before class and told him "I'm not feelin' it today!" Once we got in there, the mental chatter kicked into high gear. "I'm tired. My calves are still sore. I don't want to be here today. My limbs feel stiff and heavy" Once the mental chatter started it was all I could do to stay put on my mat. In addition to the mental chatter I couldn't balance at all. I couldn't even balance in first part of standing head to knee. I shook my head in disgust after falling out several times, judging myself harshly. I caught myself doing this and reminded myself not to judge, to just be in this practice and try to stop resisting. By the time I got to triangle I was a bit more focused and was able to stay present and finish without too much more drama. Toward the end of class, I started to feel so grateful that I was able to come when I didn't want to and stay when I wanted to run. I was happy that I am doing a challenge or else I may have missed today. Then I heard Dray say "the worst Bikram class is the one you don't go to". And that little nugget was the best thing I heard all day!

Day 3: I started without you

2010-06-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do a 30 day challenge. The first few challenges I did, I completed them successfully. Then I had a couple of challenges that fell short. Two attempts at 101 that didn't quite make it. One fell short by just a couple of days. What I've realized is this, combined with a very difficult life change this year has chipped away at my self esteem. I'm gaining weight again, I'm not my normal sunny self. I have pushed away some friends because I prefer to sulk around in solitude. I'm grateful though. Grateful that I recognize all of this and even more grateful that I have someplace to put all of this....right smack dab in the middle of my yoga mat. I've been going 5 times a week to yoga for the most part, but it's not the same. No frequency of Bikram feels the same as doing a challenge.
I decided all of this on Friday and that makes today day 3. In the first 3 days of this challenge, I've already had two very interesting classes. The first was Friday night at 6pm. We had a visiting teacher named Caroline from Headquarters. She is a lovely lady who attended Bikrams first TT, prior to the "dialog" being around. She's an older lady with a glowing spirit. I adored her class. Even though she's not up there doing verbatim dialog, her instructions are precise. She's also got an eagle eye for form and corrections. She was engaging with the students. It was so much fun! Saturday morning was 9am with Frank. My friend Shelley met me down there, or I never would have gone that early. I hate morning classes...anything prior to 11 is Satan in a Sunday hat. And it was. Satan in a Sunday hat. My body was so stiff and so heavy it felt like I accidentally stumbled into the studio with somebody else's body entirely. I really had to pay attention to form and throw all of my normal depth out of the window. It just wasn't going to happen, with anything. In fact, I stood there in tree while everybody eles was going into toestand. My body just felt like there was no way in hell it was going to be able to execute a posture I attempt daily. Frank called me out on it "Mish, what are you doing, don't you normally go into toe stand? Get down there!" I ignored him (sorry Frank!).
Last but not least....day 3 (today) 1pm with LYNN WHITLOW. For those of you who are regular Bikram addicts, you probably have heard of Lynn. She is a senior teacher who does seminars and is a bit of a rockstar in the Bikram community. I took her class last time she was here out at the Green Valley studio. You can read about it here. It was pretty brutal. I'll sum it up this way: I sat out half of that class. Ok, so going in today I made sure I was hydrated to the max. Plenty of sleep (check), proper food and water (check), electrolytes in balance (check). I lay my mat down and looked around. Lots of teachers and also Big G from the Green Valley studio. The class was HOT and HARD but I made it through pretty well. Not awesome. Just pretty well. I sat out one set of triangle and had trouble first set of camel. There were only two newbies in the class and I felt bad for them because there is just something about Lynn. Her class is just tough. She's not yelling, she's not holding you in a posture for a bizarre amount of time...it's just very tough. I cannot figure out what it is about her class. Afterwards, sitting in the lobby eating watermelon courtesy of another *very smart* yogi, we talked about that concept. Why is Lynn so dang tough? The yogi who brought the watermelon said "she just makes is sound probable and possible and you just do it". I think that is right, the way she explains things is so matter of fact and her dialog rhythm lends to "just do it".
Good advice. Just do it. I'm gonna "just do" this 30 day challenge.

Wall Walking

2010-05-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight was 6pm with Frank. There were a ton of new students. Teenagers from a local modeling/talent agency. Greg (Big G from "Another Version of the Truth") showed up to take class because he was running late and couldn't make the 5 at his home studio. I was very happy to see him. Sitting around with my yoga bff's and all of the regulars before class, I found myself wishing Greg could always be a part of our group. His enthusiasm for Bikram is engaging...it reminds me of being in my first year. Now, three years in, my passion is still there, but the intensity of it is not always what it used to be. I guess me and Bikram are settling into a routine, sort of like an old married couple.
Before class, Greg went into the room to do some wall walking. I didn't go in until 5 til. When I arrived in the room he motioned me over to try it. For those of you who don't know what wall walking is, you basically stand in front of a wall, about arms length away and you do a backbend until your hands touch the wall, and then you start walking down the wall until you are in wheel. I'll be honest, this scares the crap out of me. All I can picture is me landing on my head. I guess I don't trust my own body to walk down that wall. I tried it anyway. Of course I wasn't going to attempt to walk down into wheel, but I thought I would at least do the bandbend, touch my hands and see what that felt like. It was scary and exhilarating all at once. I went over to kneel on my mat to wait for class to begin, thinking about wall walking. Imagining that someday I could walk all the way down into wheel. Sort of like "I will touch my forehead to my toes" someday (this is doubtful, but I keep thinking positive!).
Class started and Frank came in, full of his usual energy and spunk. He was awesome with the new kids. Half of them didn't want to be there (it was an assignment they had to do) so he joked around with them and made them feel comfortable. Greg, Mark and I lined up in the front row and fed off each others energy. Greg's dedication is really showing. His postures are strong and he has passed me up in many areas. So even though I've been doing yoga for three years, I see where I could start pushing myself harder. Greg really works at these postures, every day, full force. Me, well, sometimes I know where I can just "hang out" in the posture and cruise through class. Uh Oh! I guess I just called myself out!

Yoga tricks and a Sandwich

2010-05-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

Tonight was 6pm with Dray. Mark and Tommie, my two yoga bff's made a Michelle sandwich with me in the front row. As we walked in to put our mats down we gasped. Yup. It was smokin' hot! It actually felt good in an odd "oh, I'm in for it!" way. I must be a masochist. Tommie set up to the right of me and actually ended up directly under a heater. He looked up at the vent with dread and then stepped toward the back of his mat, away from it. The expression on his face was funny. Trying not to giggle, I look over to Mark on my left. His face was not very happy either. He had been trying to demonstrate a posture to friends the night before and pulled something in his leg. While regaling us with this tale in the lobby before class Dray overheard and got a big smile on his face..."No yoga tricks!" he exclaimed, promising to tell us his yoga trick story during class. True to his word, he told us the story towards the end. He was with some friends and decided to demonstrate toe stand, completely cold, not stretched or warmed up at all. When he got down into the posture he head a very loud pop! He ended up hurting his knee so badly that he was limping around for two months. So the moral of the story boys and girls is bring your friends to class if you'd like them to see your awesome postures!

OH BABY!

2010-05-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight was 6pm with Toni Jo. I arrived to find her standing by the front desk holding an adorable baby girl. Before I go any further, I feel I must explain myself for those of you who don't know me. I don't do baby. I have an amazing daughter who will be 16 this fall. I've been a single mother her whole life. By the time she was two I decided I was not interested in having any more children. After that decision I never wavered. So I'm not the woman who gushes over infants. Sure, they are cute and all, but I'm not a gusher.
Until now.
This perfect 7 month old baby girl belongs to Sara, a visiting teacher from San Francisco. She was teaching the 4pm, so Toni Jo was baby sitting before teaching the 6pm. After changing into my yoga clothes, I spent the next 20 mins hovering around Toni Jo and baby. I oooh'ed and aaaah'ed. I gently squeezed little baby feet. I smiled as the baby cooed at me, flapping her arms, grinning and drooling. We laughed and commented on how good this baby is! A little yoga baby! Mom did yoga until 6 days before delivering.
I walked into class, visions of babies dancing through my head. I lay my mat down and thought about the cute yoga baby me and my yoga crush would make. Wait! What? Who said that! I spent the rest of the yoga practice breathing and stretching and telling myself I'm too old to have another child. I decided my hormones must be making some silly last ditch attempt...."last chance for a baby! You are 39! Last chance!!!"
The class ended up being perfect temperature and Toni Jo was full of lovely energy. Her timing was impeccable. I was able to work hard without feeling wiped out. I left with a ton of energy, buzzing out of there on a yoga and baby high....smiling at my yoga crush on the way out....

Cleansed by Fire

2010-05-10T20:49:00.000-07:00

Today was 6pm with Dray. It's day.....something of my some amount of days of challenge. I'm being vague on purpose. The life changing event is getting in the way of even doing a little 30 day challenge right now. I would have to do 4 doubles to "catch up". Which is an option for me. If I so chose, I can get two of them out of the way this weekend, which quite frankly would be very good for me right now.
When I arrived at the studio tonight it was full of "old" and "new" regulars again. Another one from my old studio (which is no longer a bikram studio) signed up at Westside last night. He was all excited and told me I need to talk Reggi into coming up. She's the last holdout, as the drive is too long for her. We miss her terribly!
When I walked into the room to set my mat down I gasped. It was smokin' hot! I was not in the best mood as I have missed 4 days of yoga last week and the weekend classes I took were tough. Sunday when I raised my arms over my head for half moon they screamed with soreness, which is not normal for me. I slogged my way through that class, feeling tortured. So when I felt the heat tonight I immediately felt a bit fearful that I would again have a tough class. Class started and I felt safe...surrounded by familiar yogi's...Shelley, Tommie, Eddie.....they were all around me, as if the wagons had circled. Three postures in I was already in "slogging my way through" mode again. My body felt like lead and the heat was really getting to me. I tried to ignore my panicked thoughts and just keep breathing. My mind kept going back to all of the stress in my life right now. The "watcher" kept bringing me back into the heat. I felt like metal, being melted and reformed. Tears mingled with sweat when we hit the floor. Jolted by the unexpected rush of emotion I swallowed hard and tried to collect myself. "Just let go....be cleansed by the fire" echoed through my mind. I took a deep breath and melted into the rest of my practice.

Day 9: The New Regulars

2010-05-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

So today was day 9 of...ya, I still haven't decided. Let's just say 30 and go from there, shall we? Prior to starting this challenge I had taken 8 days off from yoga. The first three days back were very tough. I noticed the loss of strength most markedly in awkward and standing head to knee. I just did not have the stamina to kick out in standing head to knee at all and just holding my foot for the full minute first set was daunting. Second part of awkward was very hard too. My ankles were wobbling, I was falling out and pretty much just looked like a hot mess. Now, on day 9, I'm already almost back to normal. Kicking out for standing head to knee (can't hold it very long, but working on it) and today I did a pretty darn good second part of awkward!
Tonight was 6pm with Candace. Sitting in the lobby before class was a relaxing social hour just like old times. I miss the "regulars" from the old studio terribly...the joking, the easy rapport. Slowly but surely a new crowd of regulars has been developing at my new studio. We may not have each others names down pat yet, but there are smiles, hellos and easy conversation on the long couch outside the yoga room before class. Laughter, smiles, hellos....my 'happy hour'. Today another familiar face from the old studio showed up. She had a big smile on her face and said "I missed Bikram yoga, I signed up here yesterday". We put our mats beside each other in the front row and rocked out the class, just like old times! Candace taught a nice "tough love" kind of class. I love her style! She does not let us get away with cheating ourselves out of a great class and she does it all with a kind voice and nice smile. I drove away from class on a lovely yoga high. Perfect way to end a Monday!

A Taste of TT and Hair on Fire

2010-05-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

Today I went up to my studio for 1pm with a special guest teacher. Dominic, who is on staff at teacher training was going to teach. Two years ago, Dom was passing through town (he is from London) and stayed for a couple of months. He taught at my old studio while he was here. I loved his classes and the thing I remember most about him was his insistence that we do not fidget, wipe or scratch during savasana. Today was no different. He was still insistent that we stay disciplined. There were no newbies in the class today so he proceeded to give us quite a run for our money. There were quite a few instructors in the room and I went over to the other side of the room to be near one of them, an awesome teacher named Noel who just graduated last fall. I'm not normally on that side and I think it's about 20 degrees hotter over there! I was standing under a heater in what was already a hot hot class. Oh vey! We were all dripping like crazy already after breathing! The energy in the room was very focused though and I hung onto that as best as I could while the heater blasted my ponytail. I actually did feel like my hair was on fire, and not figuratively this time!
Before class I had walked up to Dom and said "you probably don't remember me but I took your class several times when you taught at the rainbow studio two years ago". His face lit up and he said "I do remember you!" I said "wow you look great, what did you do?" He said (in his adorable english accent) "Ate less!" Ya, that's Dom. So down to earth so awesome! It's easy to see why the trainees were chanting his name when they were thanking the staff last fall.
I was planning to go take class tomorrow night with the trainees but I found out Bikram is out of town for the next ten days. Darn! I have taken class down there already (last fall) and what I really want is the experience of Bikram himself teaching. I think I will wait!

These are my people

2010-04-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

I have been missing the blogging community! You guys really keep me inspired and I miss the interaction with you via this little blogging space I used to frequent so much. So today I dust it off and try out my writing legs once more.
What have I been up too? Well, my life is pretty much like this right now: My hair is on fire. That sums it up quite nicely! Without getting into gory details I am going through a major major change in my personal life. A very scary one that is not good by any means. However, I am looking at this as an opportunity to grow. For eight days I was not able to get to yoga at all due to this event. I am now back in the saddle (tonight will be my 6th Bikram class in 6 days) and am leaning heavily on this yoga to carry me through the rest of what I must face. In fact, I have decided I need yoga every day while my hair is on fire! Am I doing a challenge? You bet your tight bikram behind I am! What I haven't decided is the length of the challenge. 30, yup. 60..most likely. 90? Hopefully. We will have to see if the fire starts to spread or get worse!
I've tried to remain positive but tonight I was feeling a bit down. I dragged my yoga gear up the stairs to my studio, head down, face in a worried frown. As I'm checking in I'm greeted by the very friendly front desk person. Taking a deep breath, I lift my head up and go into the locker room. As I'm walking by the yoga room I see Frank teaching the 4pm. The smile creeps onto my worried face as I catch his eye. Changing from work Michelle to yoga clothes Michelle my body starts to relax. Off comes the makeup, up goes the hair, off come the high heels, on go the flip flops. I go out to the lobby to sit on the long comfy couch and wait. Regulars start to wander in. Suddenly I'm smiling, saying hi, giving and receiving hugs. This space, this studio, these people, it feels like a thick soothing salve that I am gently applying right onto the gaping wound caused by the fire. I smile and look out the window toward the red rock mountains and say thank you. I'm already at peace, already feeling better when things get turned up a notch. Students from the old studio start to come in. Regulars from the studio I haven't been to in months. Faces I have missed. They come in, all smiles, excited to check out this new studio and happy to see me. More hugs all around and lots of excited talk as they find out Dray will be teaching our class.
I finally get into the hot room at 5 mins til. Dray comes in, bringing his amazing energy with him as soon as those beautiful double glass doors open. I stand up, look around and see "old" and "new" regulars ready to begin. We start the breathing and the energy is tangible. I practice for 90 minutes and notice that we are moving and breathing as one in so many postures. The sweat pours down my face and body.....it puts out the fire in my hair for 90 blessed minutes. I leave feeling refreshed. I leave knowing that these are truly my people. This is where I belong.

Post on Group Blog

2010-03-31T09:55:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm still around. I posted on the group blog today. "The Watcher"

I'm cheering you all on from the sidelines! I'm still getting to Bikram, just not everyday.

Closure

2010-03-19T07:14:00.001-07:00

A personal situation has cropped up in my life that needs my daily attention. Due to this, I will not be able to complete the 101 challenge. I will still do yoga whenever I can, however, it has to take a back seat and not be my priority right now.
Thank you for all of your support. For reading, for commenting and for writing amazing posts in your blogs. I have met amazing people in real life due to this blog and for that I am thankful. In fact, I have a couple more of you on the list when you come into town in the next month or two. You know who you are and we will keep in touch via email, can't wait to meet you.
All of you that are completing the challenge, best of luck! This is a huge undertaking and something to be very proud of.
This blog has been a huge source of comfort for me these past two years, but it's time to turn the page and start a new chapter.
Good bye, good luck and most importantly, may you find your truth and embrace it.

Day 74: Busy Little Blog

2010-03-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

Today was 5:30 up at the old studio with Frank. I wanted to go back up to Westside, but Ashley was coming with me and she was afraid it would be too hot up there. He he. Once we arrived Reggi, Ray, Christian and a bunch of other regulars were there in full force. It turned out to be fun. The class was packed, hot and humid and took alot out of me. I felt strong during the standing series and then started to lose it on the floor. It took all I had to stay in the room and finish. My mind went terribly downhill after spine series. Well, at least I made it!

Sooo. You might be wondering what my little picture over on the right side is. Remember when I went to Tempe last week on business and wrote a post about my visit to the studio there? Well, some students from the studio saw my post and let the director know. She included a little blurb in her March newsletter about it! I was added onto the mailing list due to my visit last week, so imagine my surprise when I opened their newsletter and saw the article! I guess my little blog has been a bit busy!!

It's hard to read so here is basically what it says:

Don, BYT teacher spotted on the web!
This excerpt was taken from a blog by bikramyogachick who visited our studio this week.... (The rest is an excerpt from my post). **click to enlarge the pic. See, I was right about the smile!**
So exciting! I just want to take a moment to give a HUGE shout out to Bikram Yoga Tempe students! You guys are awesome! The studio has a great vibe, nice energy, and some awesome Bikram practitioners. In fact, Don had the gal next to me demo standing bow for us. She was amazing. My company has offices in Phoenix so I will be sure to come visit you guys again next time I am there!

Day 73: A yoga party, A new studio and A double

2010-03-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to a yoga party at the Green Valley studio. It was a potluck with Dray and George (both instructors) spinning some cool tunes and also some live music by a student. They did a yoga fashion show and everybody had a great time. My daughter came with me and was a good sport about being at a yoga party with mom. I got to hang out with blogger Greg and I got to meet blogger Cat in person finally.

Today I took the 1pm class up at.....wait for it......BIKRAM YOGA WESTSIDE. The Las Vegas Bikram community has undergone alot of studio drama this past year, so even though I knew this new studio was going to open, I haven't been blogging about it. It's actually the Red Rock studio location re-opened under new ownership. The first week of yoga is free (starting today) so if you live in Vegas, come take some classes! Dray taught and oh how I have missed him! It was hot, humid and full of wonderful energy. The class was tough, I got my ass handed to me! To celebrate the grand opening they had a table with zico and fruit for after class. I drank some zico like I was going to die if I couldn't get it down fast enough.

After running some errands with my daughter, I convinced her to come to the 7:30 at the old studio with me since she opted out of the 1pm. She acquiesced and I dragged her to tall, dark and handsome's class. He had great energy tonight and was quite funny as well. The room felt pretty hot and humid when I walked in. I had to really focus on my breath to make it through and by fixed firm I ended up consuming a 1/2 liter of water already. I guess I was still not replenished from the 1pm class.

Two more doubles to do and I'll be caught up with you all! Funny thing is, I've done 74 hot yoga classes in 73 days but I can't count the power flow/Baptiste so I've got to get the Bikram classes caught up. I have promised myself to make them up before I hit the 90 day mark so I can coast through the last 11 days and not be stressed.

Hope you all had a good (albeit one hour shorter) weekend!

New studio! Dray getting ready to teach. I'm in the Green Top and the guy smiling directly at the camera is the new owner.

Day 70: It's Perfect Bikram Weather

2010-03-11T22:37:00.001-08:00

5pm up at Summerlin. Owner Stephanie was teaching. I signed in and went in the room to lay my mat down. Ahhhhhhh. Heat, humidity, perfection. I quickly sent up a silent plea for the class to be better than last night. Somebody was listening. The cinderblock arms and legs were gone, replaced by my limber Bikram limbs. Yoga body is back! Yay! The class went pretty well overall with one highlight. Second set of standing bow, first side Steph looked over at me and started coaching me. Get your body down more Michelle. More! Body down even more! Each time she said it I went just a tiny bit further, still able to breathe and luckily not falling out. By the last "more" it felt like my body was not going to go down any further. I put more power in the kick, stretched my arm out further, exhaled and made it down a bit more. My eyes widened a bit in the mirror, a little surprised at a new feeling in my spine. It's hard to explain, but I felt something in my lower spine, something like a "hey there, I just went somewhere new!" After saying change Steph paused and said "that was really good Michelle, your feet were lined up" So that means for once I was kicking pretty darn straight up and not tilting over to the side as I sometimes tend to do. What a great feeling! Hard to believe we are now just down to a 30 day challenge +1. I guess that means it's time for me to get serious about the three classes I have to make up. I have my daughter this weekend, so it will have to be the weekend after.

Day 69: Summerlin is calling....

2010-03-10T21:08:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days where my arms and legs felt like cement blocks. My left wrist hurts like hell, I can't even make a fist (thank you Power Flow yoga) and my hamstrings are tight. Every movement in Dominiques high energy 530 class at the old studio proved to be agony. By the time an hour had passed, I was ready to throw in the towel. I gave the clock the hairy eyeball the last 30 minutes, cursing the low heat. Today was a day I could've used a nice hot class to get my cinderblock arms and legs loosened up. I haven't been to summerlin since late last week. It's time to head back up there. I miss that hot hot room with the hardcore Bikram instructors.

Day 68: Motivation

2010-03-09T21:33:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get motivated by having handsome (or if you're a guy, pretty) teachers? Normally it doesn't phase me because lets face it, there are alot of beautiful yogi and yoginis. However, feeling a bit burned out at this point in the challenge (I'm THREE Bikram classes behind, but actually one ahead overall if I were allowed to count my baptiste/power flow classes) I need some help. Last night I was in Phoenix on business. Tempe to be exact. So after my conference was over, I hopped in the rental car and headed to the 615 class at Bikram Yoga Tempe. A handsome gentleman named Don was teaching. He had salt and pepper hair, was tan, and had a smile that reached up and gave him warm crinkly eyes. I wanted to throw him in my suitcase and take him back to Vegas so he can teach me here all of the time. The studio was cute, the room small and crowded and the students were great. It felt like home to me. That's the nice thing about Bikram. It's the same no matter where you go. I flew back home today and went straight from the airport to 630 Bikram at the old studio. Tall dark and handsome was teaching (Michael). He just graduated with the last class and I've only taken his class once before. His dialog was much improved, his style smooth and encouraging. It was a great class.

So yes, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed being three behind again. I was also exhausted and wanted to go straight home from the airport. So having adorable handsome male teachers two days in a row was great motivation for me. Hey, I'm only human.....

Day 65: Traveling Yogini

2010-03-06T09:28:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow I leave town for two days on business. I already found the closest yoga studio to the hotel and have it all mapped out. Schedule printed and all.

Wish me luck!

As for today, I'm going to head up to Summerlin for a nice juicy Saturday class.....

**Update***

It's official. I have gone over the deepend. Instead of heading up to Summerlin for a nice juicy class, I pulled up the schedule of my old studio. There was a 1:30 Bikram with Dominique as the teacher then at 3:30 her husband Don was teaching Power Flow. I have never done Don's class but have heard good things about it. You already know the ending to this story. Yes, I went and did BOTH classes. The room wasn't warm enough for Bikram at 1:30 so we had to work a bit harder. It only got up to 100 by the end of class. It ended up feeling like a warm up class to open me up for Power Flow. I liked the Power Flow class, but not as much as Baptiste. They do alot of really crazy advanced stuff that I am very far away from. I'm glad I tried it though!

Day 63: Namaste, Namaste

2010-03-04T19:55:00.001-08:00

Today was 5pm up at Summerlin with Frank. Instead of boring you with more "I feel so strong right now, this is awesome!" stuff, because we all know how fast this can and will change for me....I'm going to share a video with you.

I'm not sure if the authors of the video did this tongue in cheek, or if it was malicious, and it doesn't really matter in my opinion. I personally thought it was hilarious and played it a couple of times so I could quote it.

Hopefully you will find it funny too!

Atha Yoganusasanam

Day 62: Body Changes

2010-03-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

Today I did my Baptiste/Bikram double.

Baptiste was at 4:30 and it was packed...mat to mat, sardine style. Reggi was there and fellow blogger Dorothy. They were both in the front (I was in the very back of course, so I can see what the heck is going on) and have both done Baptiste quite a bit. I have seen changes in both of their bodies, the upper body especially....they keep getting leaner and more toned. Zeek was amazing as usual and I tried my best again. There are many things I will need to work up to and many things where I am already strong from Bikram. For example, I didn't even attempt crow, I just watched Reggi and Dorothy both do it, however, during the spine series there is a modification on floor bow second set where you grab at the ankles, flex your feet and make a U, a next step up modification and I can do that one quite nicely. My spine is very flexible on the back bending (side bending, not so much "I hate you half moon!"). I can really see how Baptiste will be a perfect compliment to Bikram. I'm thinking two Baptiste, five Bikram a week after the challenge at first. The Bikram helps me with the soreness from Baptiste. It also helps me re-align when I do something wrong in Baptiste (i.e: my right shoulder hurts a bit, I guess I messed up downward dog tonight)

Bikram at 7:30: I was a bit nervous going in because I must confess, my body was feeling TIRED. I have done alot of yoga in the past week and a half! A double last Tues, Fri, Sun and today. Two Bikram/Bikram doubles and two Baptiste/Bikram doubles. My poor 30 pounds overweight body was going "are you f*ing kidding me right now!!!" as I walked in to set up my mat for Bikram with Roberta. My fear was for nothing. The class was tough for me, being so tired, but I just kept going back to my breath and I made it through ok. There was an entertaining new person behind me and that helped. She was blond, tan, perfect body, pink yoga outfit, pink in her hair, pink fingernails, puffed up lips, purchased girls. Usually the gals with nice figures are either dancers or they work out alot so they normally do pretty well their first class. I don't think she was athletic in the least bit. Must be genetics. This girl was lunging and lurching and going full boar into the fullest expression of the posture with knees bent, arms bent, face contorted, breath racing, 100 percent wrong, then would fall to her knees. She did this the entire standing series and then left on the spine series. I have to hand it to her, the enthusiasm was off the charts and I hope she comes back. I tried to set a good example for her but she kept looking at Roberta...who of course is not doing the postures. After class, in the locker room, the girl that was next to me in the front row said "you have some great postures". My eyes got a bit wide (because she does too!) and I thanked her. Nice to hear a compliment like that when I was dying inside, all tired from doing crazy yoga doubles.

Then the icing on the cake: on the way out I was chatting with Roberta, telling her how much I will miss her (she is moving away next week) and that because of her pushing me, I am further along in my standing head to knee. She said "Michelle, you're standing head to knee is much better, but more importantly I can see your body is starting to change, from your challenge".

Day 60 thru 90....our bodies will change. It's starting.......

Day 61: Blessings

2010-03-02T21:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to 5:30 at the old studio with Roberta. I was extremely sore from my Baptiste/Bikram double the day before. Of course she didn't know this so she rode my butt hard and at the end of class I looked like a sad drowned rat. I was glad in a way because without her I would've totally babied my sore self and instead I pushed through it and the soreness was gone this morning.

Today I was going to go to 5pm up at Summerlin. Yoga BFF Mark texted me "7pm with Frank?" How can I say no to that? Frank + my Yoga BFF = heaven. So I stayed at work til about 5:40 taking advantage of the quiet and putting a nice dent in my pile before heading up to Summerlin. When I got there, in the locker room a lady asked me if I was Michelle from the 101 blog. I flushed with pleasure and said yes. I have a Summerlin audience (of at least 1!) **waves shyly**

Class was very busy, very humid and very high energy. Frank was "on" tonight telling jokes, really engaging the students and working the room. As I was surfing my breath and flowing in and out of postures, sweat pouring down my body like rain, I felt like I would burst with gratitude and love. Zeek's voice from Baptiste the other day flitted through my head. He likes to say some things, that may or may not be construed as positive then he will say in his soothing little voice "blessings....". I kept hearing that...."blessings" and images were weaving in and out of my consciousness.....grateful for my job, grateful for my family and friends, grateful for my health, grateful for the yoga community....grateful for so much and full of love for all of the people around me. Driving home I wondered if I was riding some sort of yoga high (I've done 11 yoga classes in 8 days) or if the Baptiste had some sort of affect on me.

The answer is not clear in my mind. More investigation is warranted. I'm thinking 4:30 Baptiste with Zeek again tomorrow and then 7:30 Bikram with Roberta all up at the old studio. I know, you are shaking your head at me, muttering under your breath something like "this chick is bat shit crazy right now!" What's the worst that can happen to me? I could get run over by the yoga truck and end up in savasana half the time in the second class. It's worth the risk!

Day 59: Two Firsts

2010-02-28T19:35:00.001-08:00

I was planning on doing my last double today and finally being able to say I'm caught up. Just one more double! Excited to get it over with, I was puttering around the house planning the day. I was shooting for 1130 at the old studio and then 5 at Summerlin. I received a text from a good friend I haven't seen since October. It said "come do Baptiste at 1:30 with me and Michelle A!". I haven't seen Michelle for a long time either. Michelle and Shelley are part of the "old crowd" of regulars from the old studio, back in the day. I started to text back that I couldn't than thought "oh what the hell, nobody ever died from too much yoga!". I ditched my plan for 11:30 bikram and went to Baptiste instead. It was the first time I've ever done that type of yoga and I was nervous. Zeeky was teaching and it was pretty crowded, which is not unusual. I've been sitting on the bench waiting for Bikram to start in the past and I've seen his class let out. It's always crowded. Everybody LOVES Baptiste with Zeeky. Well I'm no exception. I spent the next 90 minutes falling in love with the class. I was able to keep up pretty well, but mainly because I'm feeling crazy strong right now. Also I didn't try anything extra. For example, we were doing some posture that starts from down dog, then you raise one leg in the air, bent, with your hip out and then he said "ok, flippers, flip" and I stayed put. I hung my head down so I could see the back row behind me and tried to figure out what flippers flip meant. I watched a few students do it and thought to myself, OK, I'll try that later when I start getting the hang of this! There were quite a few postures where I did that. I just stayed where I was comfortable and rode my breath and watched. I ended up surprising myself and doing much better than I thought I would. After class I hung out, ate an orange, changed back into sweats and then headed up to Summerlin for 5pm Bikram with Frank. My body felt a bit sore and overworked so I just focused on alignment and breath. Also, the room wasn't very hot but I was raining like a faucet, I guess because it was my second class. There was a first timer in the back row who did pretty well. After class I was sitting in the lobby drinking my zico and she was picking up her welcome packet. I told her she did really well and then she asked me "is that your blog?" I said "you mean the bikramyogachick blog?" She nodded. I said "yes!" Then she said she's done some Baptiste, so I of course said I had done my first class today. Driving home I realized this was the first time ever somebody I've never met has "recognized" me from my blog.

Well tomorrow is day 60 and I'm feeling pretty darn good right now. What a change from the first 30 days where I was just having a rough go of it!

Day 57: Incredible High

2010-02-26T21:53:00.000-08:00

Last we heard from our heroine, Bikramyogachick, she was three classes behind in the challenge. Now, after doing TWO doubles this week, she is only one behind. She hopes to catch up this weekend!!

Today I took a vacation day (I like to call it a "yogacation") and did an 11:30 and a 7pm class. It was my second double this week. The 11:30 was at the old studio with Roberta and 7pm was up at Summerlin with Frank. My daughter came with me to the 7. The first class went by nicely. A solid moving meditation. The second class something incredible happened. I felt very strong, like I hadn't already done a strong class earlier! Halfway through the class a sense of euphoria washed over me, just like a runner's high. When I finished class, energy was running up and down my body. The high I felt was nothing like you could ever get from any artificial substance and nothing like I've ever felt before in my three years of doing yoga. Doing 9 classes in 7 days seems to have pushed me into a beautiful, flexible, strong place.

I have no idea if this feeling will continue into next week and it really doesn't matter either way. I just feel lucky to have experienced it today!

Day 53: Blogging Break

2010-02-22T19:12:00.000-08:00

Tonight was 5pm with Erika. My heart just wasn't in it tonight. I had an OK class, but I felt like I was just going through the motions. This past Saturday I had my first Reiki session with Misha. Since that session, I've felt very introspective. You see, the first 30 days of this challenge was a very strange sort of physical suffering for me. The last 23 days have been mental. Why I am doing this? I've done 99 days, three or four 60 day challenges and a couple of 30's. What does this mean anymore? Why am I blogging still? I've been writing in this little space for two years now. Sometimes I feel like I'm writing posts that have already been written by me in previous challenges. Sometimes I feel like I'm saying too much on this public space and sometimes I say too little because I'm all out of things to talk about.

Misha is leaving for Europe and then she's on staff for teacher training, so no more Reiki sessions. However, she suggested I journal. So I'm going to do just that. I'm going to spend the next week getting these doubles (three of them!) off my back and I'm going to privately journal. I'm turning inward for awhile. Not quitting the challenge by any means! I will still do Bikram everyday, make up my three missed classes, read your blogs, cheer you on from the comments section and soon enough, I'll be back home to my blog to let you know how I'm doing!

**I need a volunteer (or volunteers) to cover for me on the group blog for three posts (this Wednesday, this Saturday and next Wednesday). If you are interested please email: bikram101challenge (at) gmail.com

Day 52: The kid joins me

2010-02-21T19:37:00.001-08:00

That's my beautiful daughter. Two years ago she was coming with me to Bikram yoga quite regularly. She really loved it. She was popular with the teachers, they adored her. Of course she enjoyed the attention, especially from Frank and Dray. (who wouldn't?) Eventually her interest waned and it's been a year since she's been in that hot room with me....until today. Her knees have been bothering her for quite some time, and are worse since volleyball season ended. I took her to a orthopedic doctor and he just said she's got tendinitis and prescribed physical therapy three times a week. The p.t is pricey, and also with her father and I both working full time, difficult to get to. I had a discussion with her father about bringing her to yoga with me three times a week and surprisingly he was quite enthusiastic about it. He agreed with me about the benefits of her stretching her knees out in that hot room. So I looked at the schedule and saw Frank was teaching the 5pm tonight at Summerlin. Perfect, she loves Frank. I brought her there and coworker Fran showed up for class as well. Fran stays toward the back so Ash set up by her. I was in front of them. All through class I kept glancing over at her and she was calm, gracefully moving in and out of postures. She sat out one set of triangle and did everything else! After class she said she felt great. She looked at me and said "why did I stop doing this in the first place mom?" I just chuckled and said "I don't know, but I'm glad you came with me tonight. You did so good!" She's coming with me again on Wednesday night. She agreed to go three times a week for four weeks and see how her knees feel.

p.s~ I had a friend in town and missed class Saturday. Now I'm three behind. **again**

I guess I'm a glutton for double punishment, because now I have three of those suckers to do!

Day 50: A Tight Muscle is a Light Muscle

2010-02-19T20:35:00.001-08:00

Today was 5pm with Erika up at Summerlin. I've always thought Erika was a good teacher, but lately she's really been growing on me.....she's moved up into my "top 5" :). She's just got such great energy, dialog and compassion. I was in the front row to the left of the podium right next to her. I felt very strong starting off. After eagle I stood there looking into the mirror feeling like a gymnast that just warmed up and is ready to go do a bunch of flips or something. I was really amped. Standing head to knee I felt solid kicking out. Usually when I kick out I get tired and winded pretty quickly. Today I was squeezing those thigh muscles as tight as I could, breathing calmly and not feeling winded! "A tight muscle is a light muscle" popped into my head (in Drays voice, he says that all of the time). Erika said "good Michelle!" when she saw me kicking out, solid. Second set I almost got my forehead to my knee both times and I didn't fall out right away like usual. I was able to hold the posture steady while trying to get the forehead to the knee. I was really close on both sides! After class I accosted Erika in the hall "did you see that! I almost got my forehead to my knee!" She smiled and said "I did! I was going to tell you to go for it but then I saw how focused you were and I was like 'she's going to do it!'"

I grinned ear to ear, so tempted to give her a big sweaty bear hug and knock her over. I opted not to do that. Probably a good call on my part, she's pretty petite.

Day 49: The Best Laid Plans....

2010-02-18T22:30:00.000-08:00

sometimes don't come to fruition. Case in point: I was headed to 5pm yoga. Listening to Kings of Leon, sunglasses on, drinking water, ready to go. I got into a left had turn lane and both felt and heard something in my tires. I was about a mile from the studio. I kept driving and when I parked I noticed the drivers side rear tire was deflated a bit. A thought flitted through my head "well, just go to yoga, your damn nitrogen tires are acting up again because of the weather change". I stood there, looking at the tire and looking at "pep boys" across the street. I got back in and drove over there. "Do you do tires?" I asked. "No. Go to discount tire over on Lake Mead, not too far away". "Ok" I said. "Wait, let me put some air in your tire first!". So I pulled up and let the nice gentleman add some air. I went to discount tire and they patched my tire for free. "You're all set mam". I was like, really? Ok, great! I got back in the car and looked at the clock. 4:59. Ok, obviously I'm NOT going to 5pm yoga. I drove over to Old Navy and browsed for a bit, leaving with a new yoga outfit, pj's, and flipflops. I headed back up to the yoga studio and passed the rest of the time playing solitaire on my ipod and getting an awesome cobra tip from owner Steph. The 7pm students finally start showing up and I see yoga BFF Mark, coworker Fran, regular Elerary, regular Karen and regular Joel. Mark H was teaching. I sat on the couch realizing how great this whole thing was. I never once got mad about the tire, I just took it in stride. I saw all of the benefits of the changed plans: I had a big lunch...it had more time to digest, my yoga bff showed up, I practiced next to regular Karen and she smiles during some postures and that encouraged me when I started to get overheated. So sometimes we just need to roll with the punches. Sometimes our best laid plans get derailed and the end result is quite alright!

Day 48: Change

2010-02-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

Today was 5pm up at Summerlin with Jason. Tomorrow, Brandy (our new champion!!!) will be taking the 930 am class at Summerlin before leaving to India to resume teaching there. Times like this I feel like my work gets in the way of my yoga. **Le sigh**. I will send love, light and energy in that general direction as I sit in my cubicle. I know I've written this before, but Brandy was my favorite favorite teacher at Bikram Southwest when she was there. She always pushed, corrected and encouraged me in a way that made me think "damn, she seems to think I'll kick out someday in standing head to knee and then get my forehead to the knee, perhaps she's right!?!" It took me two years to kick out. Now, approaching three years, I'm finally starting to head in the direction of getting my head to the knee on the left side. I've done it once. Then a few days ago I went in that direction and held it, very still...with the forehead an inch from the knee! Almost! So I'm among a legion of yogis that adore her. I'm just feeling very grateful for all of the classes I got to take from her. I hope someday our paths will cross again so I can take more classes and maybe even.......be teaching a class she is in!

Back to tonight's class. I have been doing "left front row" alot at Summerlin so today I went to the right and did second row, pretty close to the podium. It was a hot, humid class. Even Jason, teaching, was dripping. In the locker room afterwards we were talking about the heat. I said "ya, you know it's hot when your teacher raises his arm and splashes you!" Instructor Patty and I giggled. I'm quite sure that many of you will get grossed out while reading this. Me, I'm a dripper too. I'm sure I've flung a drop of sweat on someone in a packed class and I know I've had alot dripped on me. Funny, when I first started Bikram I would've probably run out of the room screaming if somebody splashed me. Now I consider it an honor when somebody gives me a hug when we are both looking like drowned rats.

I've changed. Alot. And they say people can't change. Perhaps they are right. Maybe we evolve....maybe we make different choices....maybe we mellow out....maybe we learn lessons......or maybe we really do change.....

Day 47: A Bumper Sticker and A New Friend

2010-02-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

Today was 5pm with Kimberly. I haven't had her class yet, so I went in a blank slate. No expectations. I've seen her around a couple of times, she seemed really cool. I set up in the front row to the left of the podium. Right as class was about to start, a bit of jockeying around was done to accommodate another yogini in the row behind me. This resulted in a guy named Jason scooting up next to me. I've seen him around alot, he has a nice solid practice. Once he got his mat in place he glanced over and whispered "hi". I responded in kind thinking, wow, this guys super nice. Class starts and although Kimberly is cool, the class, not so much. It was a nice hot class. I noticed Jason to the left of me super quiet and super still between postures. I mean this guy didn't even drink at party time! He just stood there, totally still, conserving energy. I thought to myself, oh boy, you better try not to fidget and make noise Michelle! The end result was much like the feeling I used to get practicing next to Mark, my yoga bff. Mark and I were not just practicing next to each other, we were practicing together. Many times Mark and I would be in sync with breath and movement. A few postures felt like that next to Jason. It was really nice. I love it when that happens!

In the lobby after class I sat chatting with yoga bff Mark (he was there for the 7) and Jason. I jokingly said "I'm going to get a bumper sticker that says 'Kimberly Kills', that was HARD!" Jason laughed and said "I don't think you are the only one that thought that tonight". Then I introduced myself (that's when I found out his name) and told him that he had a nice focused practice. He just laughed and said "so do you, that's why I was focused, I thought it was all you!"

Day 46: Three Day Weekends...

2010-02-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

rock! Today I was off work (yay!) so I spent the morning lounging around with coffee and breakfast and hangin' out with my daughter. Then her and I went to see a movie. When I got home I was soooo tempted to just stay in, but yoga was calling. I went down to the old studio for 530 with Roberta while my daughter opted to stay home and get caught up on her laundry. The class was medium size, the room not too hot, Reggi was next to me and Roberta was mellow with a capital M. It was one of those classes where you just feel so rejuvenated and relaxed on the way home. A nice way to end a nice weekend....

Day 45: I'm a jackass

2010-02-14T16:02:00.000-08:00

Today was 11am up at Summerlin with Erika. I got there pretty early and was sitting on a lobby bench. A girl sat down next to me. All I know about her is she has the same last name as one of the teachers. Due to my advanced age, this gal looked pretty young to me. And the guy in question is I think older than me. We started some casual conversation and I said "oh, is :teacher: your father?" She looked at me, and said, "no, that's my husband". My face turned as red as my red yoga capris. I mumbled an apology and said something stupid like "I'm so sorry, you just look so young!" I sat there wishing the floor would open up and swallow me.

I am the Biggest. Jackass. On the planet.

For the first 20 minutes of class I berated myself. The mental flogging I was giving myself was worthy of an axe murder. I felt SO bad. You have no idea. I just couldn't let it go.....

Finally, during balancing stick I fell out of second set left side and got pissed at myself for falling out. I've been falling out of the left side on the posture alot lately, so after managing to stay strong first set, I got irritated. I stood there waiting for the next posture to start, looked at myself in the mirror and said "let it go. It's over. Shake it off." So I did, shake it off. Then I thought to myself, why can't I shake off the comment I made. I felt like an idiot, it can't be taken back, move on, right? Life lessons in the yoga room.

Day 44: Debbie Does a Double

2010-02-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

Ok. My name is not Debbie. But doesn't that sound so much better? Wait, now my blog might come up on some creepy google porn searches. But I digress.....

As the title says, I did a double today. Remembering my agony from my back to back double two Thursdays ago, I decided to split the classes up. I went up to Summerlin for an amazing 11am class with Erika. I was a crappy wife to yoga last night. I made it all up in that steamy morning class. Yoga, never mad at me, welcomed me in his hot sweaty embrace and we danced for 90 minutes, leaving me spent and soaked on my mat. I spent the afternoon running errands with my daughter (good thing I had done yoga, the number of boys/guys/men catcalling and making comments to her had me a bit freaked out) and eating/hydrating well in preparation for an early evening class. Over to the old studio for class number two at 5:30 with Roberta. It was a tough class, yogi's down/leaving the room/laying down towards the end. I did pretty well. I had a good solid standing series and felt a bit tired when I hit the ground for floor. I tried to get out of my head and breathe, but the floor was a little tough for me. I did everything up until camel. Camel made me want to curl up and die and I came out early, totally out of breath and dizzy. I finished up the class and lay on my drenched towel/mat wondering how many pounds of water I had sweat out today. It was crazy how juicy both classes were! I got a zico after class and realized that I felt fine. Obviously the work I did throughout the day to consciously double up on electrolytes did the trick.

One double down, two to go.......

Day 43: She's just not that into you....

2010-02-12T20:28:00.001-08:00

Dear Yoga,

I was a bad yogini today. You know I'm crazy about you. Today I didn't show it. I went to the 5pm class feeling blah. I ignored you the whole 90 mins I was in the room with you. I was non responsive and even **gasp** sat out some postures due to total lack of interest.

I promise I will make it up to you tomorrow. Just because I was rotten today doesn't mean you're still not the one for me....

Day 42: A dream, a compliment and a quirk....

2010-02-11T20:54:00.000-08:00

I was on a boat. A big enough boat to have bedrooms and bathrooms. There was a bar on it as well and everybody was partying, houseboat style. I was sitting on a couch type seat in the open air part of the boat, smiling, sunglasses, wind, water......next to my yoga crush. My yoga crush who I haven't seen for a few weeks now. He was wearing a red tank top. Sunglasses. Smile. Dark tousled hair. He looked at me adoringly and I leaned into him, smiling ear to ear. I closed my eyes, tilted my face up to the sun and breathed in the fresh clear air, appreciating the warmth on my face and all along the side of my body that was pressed against him........

Unfortunately, that's the dream part of the title. I woke up this morning after that dream, restless, yearning, wanting.

I went to 5pm yoga in a daze. Partly due to learning there is a bikram yoga retreat in the south of france run by Craig Villani. I need to get there! (thanks Hannah just breathe for sharing). I wandered into 5pm at Summerlin with Jason teaching, dreaming of France. The class was small. Under 20. The yogis that were there were strong, focused, experienced. Jason even tried to crack a couple of jokes, but everybody was too far "in the yoga brain zone". I was so in the zone I actually started to do the wrong posture once.

Suddenly, during spine series I "came to" and realized I do something funny. It's a quirk I suppose. After locust (your arms are trapped under you in that posture) I "free the girls" before we go into full locust (your arms are out and you are lifting up like an airplane). I always do this but never really paid attention to it. I'm quite sure the dialog between the two postures doesn't say "do a small mini pushup to free the girls before going into savasana". That got me thinking. What's your quirk? Do you do anything during class that is unique to you? I bet you do! Please share! It can't be as embarrassing as freeing the girls, so shoot!

The compliment: After class I was chillin' in the lobby with my zico and Jason said "you have a nice triangle. I was going to say something during class but I got tongue tied!" (He's new, cut him a break!) I smiled ear to ear. Getting used to a different flooring has made me triangle challenged. The last week at Summerlin I felt like I was getting back to my old self and getting used to the carpet. I guess it shows! I have a nice triangle! Awesome!

Day 41: Dropping Likes Flies

2010-02-10T20:32:00.000-08:00

Today was 530 at the old studio with Roberta. It was packed. 50 students shoved into the "small room". She taught the class before so it was already hot and humid. I broke out in a sweat just laying my mat down. If Reggi would've been there today we would've given each other the "it's gonna be ugly" look. It was so brutal that four people left right after standing series and another two during the spine series. Lots of downed yogi's all over the room at different times in the class. In spite of all of this I had a solid class and pretty much rocked it out up until camel. Once I hit second set of camel I suddenly felt sapped. I pushed through the rest of class and lay on my soggy towel for savasana feeling grateful that I made it.

Day 40: Still here....

2010-02-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

I'm still here. I'm THREE classes behind. I missed Sunday and Monday for reasons I can't blog about.

That means I have THREE doubles ahead of me. You all know how much I love doubles (if I could type this in sarcastic letters, I would).

Tonight was 5pm up at Summerlin with Adele. I parked myself in the backrow and ended up being trapped in no mirror land. Even though I was there first, the guy in the front row put his mat directly in front of me. By the time I got in the room, I couldn't move left (wall) or right (person) and he had tons of room to move either direction but didn't. He didn't do it on purpose of course, just not aware of yoga room etiquette yet. Too new. Oh well, it made for an interesting practice and a very balance challenged standing series. I had to feel instead of see, and maybe that's a good thing.

I was glad to be back in that room. Not glad to be three behind, but I'll get it done.

Day 37: Summerlin is not killing me, it's making me stronger

2010-02-06T15:52:00.000-08:00

Today was 1:30 with Yuko at the old studio. Coming off of a few hot hot humid classes at Summerlin, including a double that almost killed me second class I was not sure what to expect today. What I received in that room was an amazing gift. It was the kind of class that makes you say "this is why I practice!" The room was not very hot. The humidity was ok, but the heat low. So Yuko encouraged us to work harder. Right off the bat I felt strong, solid, graceful, lithe. I'm quite sure I looked the same as I always do in the postures, but the way I felt was a whole nother matter. I felt amazing. Energy flowed through my body. My breath was quiet, easy, even. I was able to hold the postures even when others where coming out. Yuko tends to start correcting somebody and keeps us in there while correcting, then continues with the dialog, holding us in for quite awhile. Normally I would come out in irritation. Not today. Today I just breathed. I stayed put. I waited. I saw others coming out in my peripheral vision. I held it for another two seconds after she said change just because I wasn't in a rush. I was totally present, totally calm and the strongest I've felt the entire challenge.

What a nice unexpected gift! When the class was over, I knelt in final breathing, eyes sparkling, a slight smile threatening to come out, thinking, "Ok, what's next today!!"

Now I get to go pick up my daughter and we are going to bring my mom her birthday present. That's what's next! Happy weekend everybody!

Day 36: Home is where the laughter is

2010-02-05T21:36:00.000-08:00

Tonight was 7pm with Marc up at Summerlin. Second time ever taking his class. Loved him the first time and tonight he didn't disappoint. I got there pretty early. I ran an errand after work, and instead of going home, I headed on up to the studio. The owner, Stephanie was working the front desk, the lobby quiet. The 5pm class was not even done the standing series yet, that's how early I was. Stephanie kept me company for awhile and it was nice to get to talk to her one on one. I don't know her all that well, aside from taking her classes in the way past at the old studio. Turns out she's got one heck of a sense of humor! Love her! I was peeking in the window at the students taking the 5pm and I said to her "Is that Jason (instructor) with his feet up against the door, practically coming out of the room?" She laughed and said "probably, he's dramatic". We both got a good chuckle out of that. Fast forward to the yogis coming out of the 5pm, red faced, dripping, tired. By this time Marc was in the lobby too. The "Jason's feet on the door" came up and we were all laughing. Then Stephanie came out from behind the front desk and demonstrated something funny Jason has been doing in second part of awkward lately. This kind of arm swinging thing to regain balance. Think: windmill with left arm. It was so funny, we were all dying. Jason was a great sport about it and was laughing with us. There I was, dressed in yoga gear, hair pulled back, no makeup on, eyes crinkled with laughter a huge smile on my face and I felt like I was home. Just like the old days when Reggi, Christian, the rest of the regulars and I would cut up in the lobby before class at the old studio. Home is where the yoga is....home is where the laughter is.....

Day 35: A Double

2010-02-04T22:08:00.001-08:00

Tonight was 5pm and 7pm up at Summerlin both with Misha. I was talking to her before class telling her I might do a double. I said, "should I just really pace myself the first class?" She said "No. Just do the first class and don't think about the next one." So I had a very strong first class, rocked it out a bit and the second class...not so much. I was in pain by first set of half moon and had to take a knee several times during the balancing series. My ears plugged up, I was seeing spots and my hands and feet were water logged. I recovered a bit during the floor series and pushed my way through to the end. When it was over, I was glad I did it! Someday I will get better at these back to back doubles! On a side note, my yoga bag was so heavy when I was walking out. Two yogi toes, two towels to dry off and two sets of yoga clothes all soaked through. I could barely lift my bag and when I hoisted it up onto my shoulder it felt like it was going to rip my dang shoulder off! That's alot of sweating over a three hour period!

Now I'm just one class behind instead of two. Phew.

Day 34: You think this is bad......

2010-02-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

Today was 5:30 with Roberta. It was hot and tough. The class was pretty crowded and I was happy because Reggi was next to me. We used to practice together almost every day, next to each other sharing energy and sometimes our misery. It was great to be practicing with her tonight. Ah, the old "regulars". Roberta kept us in full locust longer than normal. Then, right at the end when she was about to say change, out of the corner of my eye I saw some yogis come out. That's when she decided to say "Michelle, go up further, keep going, exhale, now go up more......HOLD! HOLD! HOLD!" I was in there for probably an extra 15 seconds all by myself. I came out on my own and she said "Michelle is doing the challenge, she is getting so strong!" Appreciate giggles and some laughter. Good thing my face was already red, because I'm a blusher and I was feeling a bit uncomfortable!

And now I want to share something with you! At the beginning of the challenge, The Missus did a post on why 101 days of Bikram as opposed to 30, 60 or 90 and included a blurb written by Mary Jarvis. Most of you know who she is. She recently did a guest post on a cool blog called "Oh My Bikram". Go read it, it's amazing. The best thing about this post is it will make you think "Ok, I've got it pretty easy. This shit was hard core at the beginning! No water or hand towels allowed and if you squirm or look at Bikram the wrong way he says GET OUT".

Awesome!

http://ohmybikram.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/diary-of-a-yogini-mary-jarvis-and-bikram-in-the-early-days/

Day 33: LOST!

2010-02-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

Today was 5pm up at Summerlin with Adele. She hasn't been teaching lately so it's been quite awhile since I've had her class. I started off the class in a great mood. "Summerlin! Yay, haven't been here since Thursday. Oh, it's Adele! Love her! Oh, look at the pregnant lady behind me, she's so freakin' adorable! Wow, look at instructor Marc's standing head to knee, he's so strong! Ok Michelle, get back in the posture, stop looking around."

Then by the time we hit the floor the good mood....not so much. "Damn these people keep it hot here. Ok, just focus. Breathe. Adele, open the door please! Hmmm. I wonder if she would notice if I crawled over to the window and stuck my naked belly right onto the glass. Then I could flip over and press my back against it. I bet you can feel the cold from outside. Some guy just left. Lucky bastard. It's probably nice and cool in the lobby. Ok, just focus, get through this, LOST is on tonight!!!"

So what are we waiting for? Time to go watch LOST!!!!

Day 32: Human Touch

2010-02-01T20:05:00.000-08:00

Today was 5:30 with Dominique. It was one of those classes where you are not a train wreck, nor do you feel particularly strong. It was a go with the flow and be a shining example of medicrosy. I don't mind those classes one bit. They go by quite fast and don't seem very exciting one way or the other. Just business as usual. On the floor series Dominique came over during a savasana and picked my feet up, pulled my legs out a bit, set them down gently and applied a bit of pressure on my feet. It was sooooo relaxing. I lay there and thought to myself "now wasn't that lovely." When you are single you don't realize how much affection you have to do without! Oh sure we get hugs from friends, sweaty hugs from other yogis and affection from our kids (not so much when they are teenagers though) but it's not the same. Memories of a boyfriend ten years ago who loved to rub my feet and legs when we were watching tv came flooding back. I spent the rest of the floor series off in la la land. **Sigh**