Tuesday, June 26, 2012
"Bikram yoga elitist. Namaste" was an anonymous comment I received on a very old post. Well, I suppose at this point all of my posts are old. I have set the blog down, allowing it to age and collect dust. The post the comment was attached to was written during one of my challenges. At the time, I suppose I thought it was funny. Hilarious in fact. However, going back and reading it now, I can see how it would be taken wrong. The comment didn't make me mad or annoy me (I left it there), it actually made me smile. Because I have changed so much over the past few years. The main reason I don't write here anymore is because I'm not Bikramyogachick anymore. I still love Bikram. It's my favorite style of yoga. But I only get to class once a week at best. I body pump at the gym. I go to hot pilates. I hike up at red rock canyon with my new boyfriend. I'm going to spin class this coming Friday with my 5am body pump partner. She and I are going to do 5am spin. The ironic thing about all of this 5am gym nonsense is I'm not a morning person. I also avoided hiking before because I was afraid to scramble over rocks and boulders. Two weeks ago I did all of ice box canyon up at red rock, needing my boyfriends assistance over a couple of very large boulders, but I did it. I was fearless, which is also not me. I'm going up to Zion with my boyfriend next week to hike Angels Landing. I am planning to skydive with friends. I watch the hot air balloons on Saturday mornings from my apartment balcony, quietly sipping coffee next to this wonderful new man that dropped into my lap two months ago and say "I want to do that". This from a girl who was deathly afraid of heights. Thirteen months ago I surrendered my demons and made a huge change in my life and nothing is the same anymore. I'm not that girl who looked for salvation in that hot room anymore. The hot room led me there, surely, for it helped me to grow. To have courage. To feel more comfortable in my own skin and to reach deep inside for connection. My life today is focused on helping others, not worrying about what I think, feel or need. I connect with others on a level I've never experienced and my whole world has expanded. I didn't leave Bikram behind or any of the amazing people I've met there. There are still there, in my ever widening circle. I come home to that room once a week and lay my mat down reverently because Bikramyogachick is still in there and I love to visit her.