Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Day 45: You can't make this shit up!

I almost tossed my cookies again.  But not from class, from laughing hysterically!  Today was 5:30 with Darla.  She's kinda tough!  Ouch!  To the right of me I had "bull in a china shop man".  I was really trying to ignore him and focus, but holy cow, I HAVE to tell you what he was doing because really, it was just too much for me.  First I'll go with a disclaimer: Begin disclaimer- I am in no way making fun of him, he was trying very very hard and GOD bless him for even being there.  Hey, we are all just here having a beautiful struggle.  That being said, there was just too much comedy to not write about it.  End Disclaimer.
Ok, so I'm lined up in the front row....Shelley, Reggi, Me. Darla's teaching.  Ok, we are about to get our asses kicked.  I'm just hoping I don't throw up again like yesterday, I'm a bit nervous.  To the point that I went "oh dear God, here she comes" when she walked in the door to start class.  Standing series:  Bull in the china shop was taking a knee by second set of half moon.  Now, he's in the front row.  I'm thinking he must be new and must not know about the front row.  Which is totally cool, I  mean who is comfortable with whats going on when they  start Bikram.  Fast forward to balancing stick.  He picks his knee up, LUNGES forward and then goes right into a "broken umbrella" all the while body is up because he's trying to see himself in the mirror.  I about lost it at that point.  I'm trying to get into balancing stick and trying not to laugh.  God I sound like a terrible person, but it was funny!  Sorry!  Then, after second set of balancing stick he walks up to the mirror, goes an inch away from it and stands there for a minute  I was really trying not to watch him and focus on myself, but OMG, I was like, "what is he doing?"  He was making alot of noise and just going for it in every posture, the wrong way and coming out with a big grunt.  At one point I looked over at Reggi and we both tried to keep our composure because she saw it too.  Then, the first situp we do, Darla decides to coach us.  She's demonstrating and talking about it and telling us the right way and says "you don't do shit during your situps if you don't keep the form".  OMG, again, I wanted to bust up.  I make it through the rest of the class, feeling pretty strong and we get to final savasana.  Bull in the china shop has been a wreck the whole floor series, but I tried to ignore him.  He gets up right away as soon as Darla closes out the class and leaves and makes all sorts of noise getting his water bottles and rolling up his mat, I mean I thought he was going to fall on me or something!  I'm trying to lay there and he walks by my head, all heavy, dripping all sorts of sweat on me.   I look over at Reggi as he walks by her and she wrinkles her nose as he drips sweat on her.  I started laughing.  I mean belly laughing.  I couldn't keep it in.  I was trying to be quiet and realized I would have to leave the room.  So I roll up my mat and go outside.  Reggi is right behind me and we are in the hallway laughing hysterically.  We just could not stop.  We go to the locker room and change and talk to Shelley.  She was really too far over to experience the full antics of the bull, but she did see a bit of it.  Reggi and I go to the front desk to get a zico after.  Mark, english accent-manager-i'm-going-to-kick-your-ass-in-class-Mark was standing there and for some reason starts telling us a story of a girl who lost her electrolytes in class the other day.  Are you familiar with that?  I've only seen it once.  Somebody who is that dehydrated gets like lobster claw hands and feet and curls up in a ball.  It's not pretty.  Anyway, that reminded him of another story.  Ball, the world champion last year, was training very very hard.  He had taken two classes, practiced his routine and then was teaching.   Mark was in that class.  Ball had pushed himself so freakin' hard that he lobster clawed up and collapsed right in the middle of teaching class.  So Mark goes up, throws his rigid little body over his shoulder and says to everybody "no worries, he'll be fine" and takes him out of the room.  Holy shit!  Reggi and I were walking out of the studio, going down the stairs with our zicos laughing our freakin' asses off.  Reggi's re-enacting the thing, imitating Mark with his English accent, throwing rigid little Ball over his shoulder like "no worries mate, he'll be back in 10!"  OMG, I was laughing so hard that I started to cough when I got in my car.  Really, you just can't make this shit up.   


  1. Damn! That was classic! LOL! I am still laughing! I love our studio! Funniest stuff happens there! We need to laugh, love and live! The beautiful struggle continues WHOOHOO!

  2. Bikram yoga elitist. Namaste.