You may have noticed that over the past year my blog has lost alot of what made it "bikramyogachick's blog". I used to write daily and passionately. I shared my thoughts and feelings with you on my journey. Did I share too much? Sometimes I did, as this is a public space. For a long time I was anonymous, but then I started to connect with other bloggers in the bikram community and some of us started to break our anonymity. This past year I have been unable to write in the same manner. It came to my attention, via all of those wonderful blog statistics tools that somebody was reading who shouldn't have been. So I started to filter myself and post less frequently, and post less "me". I really thought that he would finally stop checking and fade off into the distance. Then I would have my space back, my bikramyogachick blog that is mine, and that I love. I love it because I love my readers. I love the comments, the support and most of all the friends I have met in person.....some as far away as Malaysia! What a fantastic thing that I was able to host a teacher trainee from Malaysia for a few days before and after training, all due to this wonderful little space I have claimed as my own!
I have decided that I can't blog here anymore, for a long time. I'm not going to delete it, but I also can't continue to half heartedly post, filtering because he's reading. I'd rather go dark and silent, no explanation, but then that's not fair to the people who have been following my journey. I wouldn't want any of you to worry about me! So I will continue my bikram journey in silence for awhile, and really, maybe that's for the best. After all, I do this yoga for me and right now I am drawn to the emotional healing aspect of bikram more than the physical after my tough year. So perhaps it's best for me to do that privately anyway. I feel good about this decision because I need to completely shut the door on this person. He has moved on and is practically engaged, but yet he still reads. I'm tired of wondering why. It doesn't matter why and it's not good for me to wonder why. It makes it hard to completely move on from the hurt that lingers from that very short chapter of my life.
So off I go.....
Thank you so much for all of your wondeful comments. I am always blown away by the quality of people in the bikram community. I will still read your blogs. Sometimes I don't comment, but I always read! You are all very inspiring. If I come back, with a different URL in the future, well, I know how to find all of you and tell you where I am.