What a difference a pound (or 11) makes....

I blogged a few weeks ago about how disappointed I was with my weight gain. I was mad at myself for putting 20 lbs on in what felt like a matter of weeks. I realize it had been creeping up on me since about May, but it seemed overnight when suddenly I had to dig around in my closet for the next size up. Ugh. Well, two and a half weeks ago I decided to hit it hard and go in the other direction.

Last year, when I lost the 20 pounds I used the Jenny Craig program. That didn't work for me again this summer. I just resisted the heck out of the frozen foods. Perhaps losing the 20 pounds so quickly last year had everything to do with going to my 20 year reunion and also falling madly in love. Great incentive and certainly a distraction from having to deal with myself and also from having to make permanent changes. So these past couple of weeks I've made some changes. Without any emotional crutches or distractions (comfort food, a relationship, wine) it's been very hard. I've cried myself to sleep (several times the first week) and also in yoga. I've been too tired to properly do my yoga and had a few classes with Mei here this past weekend where I could barely keep my arms over my head during half moon. I am doing great this week, having made some adjustments (more protein before yoga). I've also been drinking water with pink Himalayan sea salt and fresh squeezed lemons in it to help keep the minerals in my body in tact. I'm slowly learning to respect my body and not just mindlessly fill it. I'm learning to be conscious, to be present outside of the yoga room as well as inside. It's going to be a long road. Hey maybe if I figure it out, I'll write a diet book and become rich and famous. Oh, never mind that. The first chapter will be "Week 1: Pain, starving and a lot of crying". Nobody will buy it, they want a magic bullet!

So, that being said, I have lost 11 of the 20 pounds I had put back on. **broad happy smile**. I don't think it's noticeable to people who see me everyday, but I certainly FEEL better!

Today was 5:30 with Lacey. It was a phenomenal class. I walked in and the room was HOT. I lay my mat down and just mentally prepared for the hot class, telling myself it would help with my tight hamstrings. They are still a bit sore and tight from the challenge I finished last week. Ray was the only "regular" in the house, and set up behind me and to the left in the second row. There were no first timers, just a solid group of students. We started rocking it out right away in pranayama breathing. You could tell it was going to be an awesome class. I fed off the energy and just flew through the standing series, feeling strong and solid. My "yoga body" decided to show back up. Oh how I have missed it! It was strong, flexible, graceful. I worked as hard as I could under the encouraging corrections of wonderful Lacey. I looked in the mirror, saw my shrinking hips and thighs, and the thinning midsection and could feel the difference in many postures. It makes a huge difference when you don't have, um, "stuff" in the way. Yoga is much harder with junk in the trunk and a couple of spares tires around the midsection! I don't have a goal weight in mind right now. Nor do I have a timeline I'm following. I'm just along for the ride, trying to figure this stuff out and enjoy the journey. I'm going to let go and let life bring me to the destination and enjoy the scenery on the way. Tonight's class felt GOOD. I may not have any "crutches" to lean on right now, but I have something so much more solid and permanent than a crutch to sustain me. I have Bikram yoga, and it's a permanent foundation upon which I can build on.

On another note, this Sunday is the regional yoga championships. I'll be down there with camera in hand and promise to post pics next week! Then the following weekend I'm going to go take a class at teacher training and visit Mei. I've heard that it's COLD in that room. Bikram can't get it hot enough and is hopping mad. I even heard that he cancelled class this morning (never done before!) and is trying to get a buttload of heaters in there to straighten things out. I'll let you know if they have "fixed it" when I get down there next week.