Day 58: Resetting the Counter

Today was 530 with Frank. Reggi, Mark and I lined up in the front row, ready for his fantastic energy. This next sentence needs to talk about how Reggi, Mark and I rocked it out, right? Well, they did, but not me. I was a hot mess right from breathing. After the wonderful class with Dominique yesterday I was quite mad at myself for having a bad class. Instead of accepting, and letting it go, and being grateful that I was there (you know, all this stuff we learn from doing yoga right?) I was pissed. I mentally whipped, flogged and beat myself to a pulp the entire 90 minutes. Nice Michelle. Way to be nice to yourself! Geez, we are our own worst enemies sometimes aren't we?

Anyway, the title of this post: resetting the counter. **If** I had started with the rest of the studio (August 1st) then tomorrow would be day 60. Due to still recovering from surgery, I jumped in late and needed to do three doubles if I was going to use the 1st as my start date. I did two doubles. I planned on doing one tonight. I even told Reggi before class I was going to. After class, I was rolling up my mat, a hot sweaty mess, heading for the door. Reggi says "where are you going?" I looked at her and whispered back vehemently "home!". No way was I going to survive a double. I went outside, looked at the challenge board and decided this: Since I am the ONLY one doing 60 and jumped in late anyway, let's say I started on August 2nd instead of first, go through to Weds instead of Tues and that will be 60 classes in 60 days. **I see you with your clipboards, I know, I know, although it will be 60 it's not totally kosher me changing the date. I see you nodding your heads and making notes on the clipboard. It's ok, I'm good with my revised start date!!**

So, that being said, I dragged my sorry ass home after that 90 minute moving mental beating and proceeded to do my night time routine. My mom called. "what are you doing?". I sighed and said "packing my yoga bag for tomorrow, laying out my work clothes. Another exciting night in the Michelle household". She paused "you sound down". I sighed again. "I'm just tired". "No you're not" she countered. Then I just lost it. Poured my heart out to her. I'm going through some pretty heavy life stuff right now. It's hard. It's scary. And I have to do it alone. Her advice "You need to just keeping breathing". I was pacing as I was talking. I stopped when she said this. My mom doesn't do yoga. She's never given me this advice in the 38 years she's been my mom. "Just breathe Michelle. That is all you need to do today, and everyday". Tears pooled up in my eyes. I became conscious of my breath, the same way I am in yoga. I sat down, looked around my bedroom, phone pressed to my ear and thought to myself "what would I ever do without my mom. What do people do without their moms". And I felt grateful and accepting......all of those things I was missing during my practice.....