I took this picture tonight before yoga class. These are the doors to the yoga room at my new studio. They are frosted glass, but the OM symbols are clear, so you can peek in and see the practicing class, while still affording them some privacy. The minute I saw these doors I knew I was home. I am in love with them! I feel like I'm opening the door to my bliss when I grab that big handle and quietly enter the yoga room...my sanctuary.
Tonight was 530 with Michelle. Regular Mark from the old studio has transitioned up to Dray's as well and was there tonight. We lay our mats side by side in the front row, ready to practice together and draw energy from each other. After yesterdays wreck of a class, I just sent up a little request for help surviving as I lay my mat down tonight. The request did not go unanswered. Instructor Lacey was behind Mark and I to the right and the small class was quiet, determined and focused. Michelle led us through the 90 minute moving meditation beautifully. During pranayama breathing I looked at my own two eyes in the mirror. "Hi. Happy birthday. You are 39!" Inhale.....exhale....."39??... !! ... ?? ......" The number seemed strange, and then sort of scary, and then just strange again....and then it floated away. I spent a quiet weekend with my daughter. Watching New Moon and listening to her fawn over the kid who played Jacob (can't blame her!), window shopping, grocery shopping, cooking dinner and renting movies. It was lovely. Today I woke up, went to work, went to yoga. Business as usual. Standing head to knee rolled around and I remembered my promise to kick out both sets. Feeling strong I did. Michelle gave me a correction on my kicked out leg and it really helped. I came out about 5 seconds early each time, but was fairly solid and happy with that, even getting my elbows down further and really sucking my stomach in. Standing bow was awesome. I saw Lacey out of the corner of my eye (inspiring!) and tried to stay in with her....trying to breathe with her. Second set it worked and I really got my body down further than ever, but only by really kicking UP. It was a different feeling and I could tell I had just pushed my edge. I caught my eye in the mirror afterwards and thought "Happy Birthday!". Now that's what I call a nice present!
Laying on my mat in final savasana I thought about my birthday last year. I was in the middle of a romantic rollercoaster disaster. I went out to Blue Martini with a ton of friends. I had just gone to a 20 year high school reunion, after losing 20 pounds in three months and then a fun houseboat trip. Part of me was living the single life to the hilt, the other part of me was hurting from rollercoaster romance and yet another part was trying to come to terms with being in my late 30's and really trying to figure things out.
This year is different. I had opportunites to celebrate the same way I did last year. None of it appealed to me. I just wanted quiet. I wanted my daughter and I wanted yoga. That's what I wanted for my birthday. Saturday night when she wanted to go over to a friends, I dropped her off and went out for a quiet dinner alone, netbook in tow. I sat there, enjoying my own companionship, quietly eating and catching up on blogs. For once I didn't feel like I was missing out on the party. For once, I was at peace.