Monday, May 18, 2009

Day 113: Letting Go

Day 113.  I've done 110 classes in 113 days.  Why am I still counting? I don't know.  I have a little white macbook and each night, as I relax in jammies and glasses, my cat purring happily on my bed,  the ceiling fan whirring softly, my little white ipod nano set on shuffle in the background, I update the calendar app on my laptop.  A "red" entry for yoga just like this:  Day 113: 530 Oksana Class 110.  I have no plans to "catch up" (that's 3 doubles).  On the flip side, I don't have any plans to throw in the towel, or give up, either.  I'm no longer doing a challenge, but for some reason, I diligently count my classes contentedly updating that calendar imagining that someday my "days" and "classes" might be equal.  Perhaps at 200?  250?  Who knows.  What counts is the blessed consistency I have found with my practice.  It feels great!
Post challenge nothing has changed, no exciting things have happened.  My studio continues to be a great source of comedy, comfort and pleasure for me.  I have thrown myself into my work with renewed vigor and zeal.  I've been at the same job for 14 years and suddenly, the past month, I have been infused with such extreme gratitude for that job and that company and passion that had flattened out came back with a vengeance.  Aside from two upcoming "mini trips" my social life is quiet.  It's quiet by design.  I have come to a place where nothing matters except my daughter, my work, my yoga and close friends/family.  I feel free, content, unencumbered.  Like leaves falling gently from a tree, ideas, thoughts, expectations and behaviors have started to fall by the wayside for me.  I have not had any epiphany's or huge moments of clarity.  Just more of a feeling of being tired of holding onto things that no longer serve me and the more time I spend in that hot room, the more leaves that float gently down, down, down..... 


  1. I firmly believe in taking time every now and then to live "the quiet life," as I like to call it. In other words, enjoying a respite and allowing yourself to settle, to practice contentment, gratitude, stillness. We go, go, go, go all the damn time, even in that hot room. So, good for you for taking some time to gather yourself and, concurrently, to let go of that which doesn't serve you.

    I'm happy to see you back here. :)

  2. Just keeping up with your classes on a calendar is pretty cool. I don't keep the same kind of record, but I do put a little 'Y' in the corner of my daily calendar to note that I went to yoga.

    Letting go is often the hardest thing to do - even with the things that don't serve us well. Congratulations on letting more slip out of your grip.

    Hope you have a great week and that you had a great Mother's Day!


  3. Glad to see you posting still. As you probably already realize, I'm also a counter. The challenge that started my blog ended almost 8 months ago, and I'm still counting away.

    When I lived in L.A., Pacifica radio had a Grateful Dead bootleg hour at noon on Thursday's, called "Thursday Lunch." It got really popular, and then got moved to Friday nights in prime-time. Before the change, the host announced that even though it was moving to Friday, the show was still going to be called "Thursday Lunch, to keep an anchor in reality." For much the same reasons, I didn't rename my blog after the challenge, and I kept up with the counting conventions.

  4. That last sentence is beautiful. :)

    It's nice to leave a paper trail for your future self to follow. I've been doing that for almost 2 years now. It's given me some cool insights to look back on everything and see patterns and structures emerge.

    Your count will probably get "caught up" again when you go to teacher training... ;)

  5. I'm so glad to hear from all of you! It's like a little bikram blogging family that I've become attached to (I read your blogs every night). Thanks for all of your comments. Insight and encouraging as always. I'll be posting after I get back from the wedding. I have to miss 4 days of yoga, but I'm not stressing about it because it's for a very good cause! :)