Day 123: Class 115~ Death and Redemption

I did not blog about last nights class, perhaps that is because 530 with Adele felt like a death and then a painful descent into a hot and humid hell.  It was the toughest class of my entire Bikram life and I honestly did not think I was going to make it through.  Highlights:  It was humid.  My arms and shoulders were tired after breathing!  Awkward series: my legs were shaking and a thought flashed into my mind: "I'm not going to make it today".  Eagle: that same thought is still flashing through my mind and at the same time I am cataloguing every piece of my body that hurts, falling out and starting to have a panic attack.  I was already struggling to NOT breathe through my mouth and I just about lost it.  I blundered through standing head to knee, not even close to kicking out, and unable to lock my standing leg without agony.  Standing bow was more of the same.  By the time I got to separate leg stretching I'm looking at my trainwreck of a reflection in the mirror, the soft middle from the trip, the agonized brown eyes and the face clearly panicking and suddenly spots started to swim, tiny grey spots everywhere.  I had the fleeting thought, is this what it feels like to pass out? and crashed to my knees.  That was it for me.  I had to sit out the next two postures and then leave the room to go get emerge-C.  The floor series was me attempting each posture and then cramping.  Feet, hands, calves, back...it was all cramping severely.  I was in danger of doing the "lobster claw fetal position" thing that Reggi experienced not too long ago during a double.

Tonight was 630 with "english accent I'm going to kick your butt and roast you out of the room" Mark.  I was scared.  I talked to him before class.  Explained I was gone for 5 days after doing a ridiculous amount of yoga and told him about the "death in the second class" of the night before.  He reassured me that the second class is always the killer after coming back from a break and that I should take it easy and I would do fine tonight.  And I did, do fine that is.  No rockstar practice, I couldn't even kick out in standing head to knee, and my hips were tight in triangle, I couldn't get down as far as normal.  But I did each and every posture, with steady breathing and focus and just did my best.  Really, in the end, that's all we can ever do with anything, right?  Our best.  I walked out of the studio feeling a bit redeemed after the death the night before.  No expectations.  Just let it happen...that's what Mark was trying to tell me.  Take it easy, stop fighting against it.   Sage advice.