I am the Biggest. Jackass. On the planet.
For the first 20 minutes of class I berated myself. The mental flogging I was giving myself was worthy of an axe murder. I felt SO bad. You have no idea. I just couldn't let it go.....
Finally, during balancing stick I fell out of second set left side and got pissed at myself for falling out. I've been falling out of the left side on the posture alot lately, so after managing to stay strong first set, I got irritated. I stood there waiting for the next posture to start, looked at myself in the mirror and said "let it go. It's over. Shake it off." So I did, shake it off. Then I thought to myself, why can't I shake off the comment I made. I felt like an idiot, it can't be taken back, move on, right? Life lessons in the yoga room.
I hear you on the beating yourself up thing. It's a tendency for us compassionate types ;-) But really, don't take it too hard. I actually was in a relationship with someone much older and *expected* comments like that! Didn't bother me at all.
ReplyDeleteYou are fabulous! This kind of thing happens to me all the time: all the self-flagellation and then a moment when you just get it and let it go! Woo hoo!
ReplyDeleteohh totally know what you mean... that feeling is the worst... and don't worry, emotions are naturally hard to shake. But think about it this way: the fact that you are so thoughtful of others' feelings and what effects you might have on them makes you all the more considerate. We all have moments of saying something we didn't mean to... but the intention of thoughtfulness and consideration, that is so much more.
ReplyDeleteThanks you guys! I felt SOOOO bad and not knowing her very well, there is nothing I could really say without making it worse, or making her more uncomfortable. I just hope it didn't upset her. Once when I was 16 working at the movie theater I asked a customer when she was due. She said "I'm not pregnant". I NEVER asked that question of anybody ever again! :)
ReplyDeleteInnocent words turning not so innocent. It does happen to us all ever so often. But as people said it's clear that you care and learned your lesson.
ReplyDeleteThe "let it go" thought reminded me of a mantra the teacher asked us to use in class yesterday. I used it a lot in other yogas before but had almost forgotten it. Breath in thinking "let", out thinking "go". Constantly when ever you remember during class. Especially useful now during the crazies.
Hey, I've said worse to people.
ReplyDeleteI too am much easier on other people than I am on myself. I find it easier to forgive their flaws, mistakes, etc. One of the things I'm trying to take from this yoga challenge is to take better care of myself. Clearly the fact that you felt bad about this shows that you're a caring, sensitive person - DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP!!! We love you bikramyogachick :)
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up for those things, you cared, and it's not the end of the world.
ReplyDeleteAt least you didn't say something bad, she got a complement and should be happy to look young because then she will look young for a long time.
:-)
Hi, bikramyogachick! I am a journalism student working on a story for class about Bikram yoga and I stumbled across your blog. I'd love to talk to you if you have time. My email address is journalismstory@gmail.com ... I hope to hear from you!
ReplyDelete(Sorry if this seems spam-y. So far it's been the best way I can think of for contacting people online!)
I'm sure it's not the first time she heard it. Shit happens, we are in the middle of a yoga challenge...honest, raw, uncensored...no apologies Michelle, you thought it, you said it...end of story =) We have more important things to worry about....like triangle and camel!!
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