Saturday, January 23, 2010

Day 23: Too many possible titles....

Here are some titles that would be fitting for todays post:
Michelle's Inferno, Birthing the spawn of satan, I want my mommy, I used to have hands and feet, A slow descent into hell.
My get out of jail free pass was only good for one day apparently. The thing that really SUCKS about the tortuous practice is that it's happening at the worst possible time! Today I had the awesome opportunity to go to the Green Valley studio and take Lynn Whitlow's class. She was doing a seminar after, but I paid for the class only. My friend Karen came with me (a regular from the old studio) and blogger Big G was there as well, practicing right behind me. The room was filled to the gills with strong yogis and tons of teachers. Lynn was amazing. It was my intention to write a really cool post about taking her class. I even brought paper and pen and threw it in the car so I could write down her nuggets of wisdom. So sorry guys. I don't remember much of what she said. I was in trouble right out of the gate in half moon. I could hardly keep my arms up over my head. My backbend consisted of me staring at the ceiling and whimpering. During awkward I was looking at the clock, in a panic. By standing head to knee I had to take a knee. Never in my almost three years of practicing have I had to take a knee that early. I probably only did about a third of the class. The only other times I can recall suffering to this degree were once in Redondo Beach when my friend Leanna and I partied like Rockstars in Hermosa Beach and went to practice the next morning hung over. We lay in savasana the entire floor series unable to move. One other practice that stands out was the second class on a double last year. My ears were plugged and I was all jacked up. This class today was those two times combined. I was laying on the floor most of the floor series unable to feel my hands and feet. My jaw was numb as well. I knew I probably should leave the room and get some electrolytes but I didn't think I was capable of standing. It hurt just to lay in savasana. I am truly amazed at how much pain and suffering I went through in that 90 minutes. I sat in the lobby, ears plugged and unable to move drinking a zico for 20 mins after class. Sane people would say "you know what, maybe this is not a good idea. Something is terribly wrong with you right now". Not me. I have stuck my head down this rabbit hole and by God I will see how far the damn thing goes. Maybe I am in some deep level crazy detox and maybe if I push through it I will rise out of the ashes a stronger Phoenix!


  1. Wow. The senior teachers must be having some crazy effect on us this week!! I thought I was going to die on Monday w/ Diane... your post on the other blog didn't sound anything like this! Hang in there, you'll be such a strong phoenix tomorrow!

  2. What's going on, baby? Is it just the 'lytes out of balance, or getting over that cold? Take it easy. Everyone Goes Down sometimes. Hope you're back to your normal self soon. Otherwise this might require some Investigation beyond "trust the process"!

  3. Just keep showing up. Very soon it will feel like normal again. I think everything we do in life has ups and downs, so why not our Bikram too? We have great weeks in work and weeks where you feel like you are about to burst into tears. Then the following week all is good again. In running, sometimes we run like the wind and our legs feel awesome, our open. Then with no explanation, our legs feel like cement blocks and our lungs are all tight. It passes, and then we are back to running like the wind.
    So that's what's happening here. Just take it a day at a time. Keep smiling, keep picking that chin up (no looking at your mat) and look right at your self in that mirror, smile and say...Oh! There you are. I like you! Keep being your amazing self. And thanks for being so open and so honest here. More hugs coming from Boston at ya! :)

  4. I have been thinking of you during the day!

    You are talking about the electrolytes, how about your proteins, are they enough? I know a have to take extra protein drinks during periods like this.

    Yesterday I was reading in Bikram's book about faith. About this very old holy man that has got everything and given it away and the last thing he was going to do in life was to walk somewhere and talk to the children. He fell down somewhere and got a hold of a tree in the middle of the big wall.
    Hanging on to the tree he asks for Gods help and God answers him: "Let go and I will catch you."
    The old holy man then screams out: "Hello! Is there anybody else that can help me?"

    I know you will continue, hang in there, have faith. It will all be to the best.

    Big Hug from Stockholm!

  5. Catherine~ It must be that nervous energy with all of the teachers and experienced yogis! I was by far the worst in that class as far as sitting out, but not the only one!
    J~ stress stress stress. This too shall pass!
    traci~ being an ex runner I can totally relate to that analogy. I'm just cement blocks right now and just need to be patient. I will run with the wind again, I know it!
    AHappyYogi~ I went shopping yesterday and was extra careful about my selections. I agree, I need to pay careful attention to my nutrition right now! I will try some extra protein! Thanks for the advice!

  6. When I'm feeling super-depleted from practice, in addition to taking care to get extra electrolytes and protein, I take a B-12 supplement.
    Hang in there!

  7. Ok, let's be fair. I talked about this my blog, but Lynn's the toughest teacher I've had yet. Everyone struggled in that class, including teachers that really shouldn't have such a hard time. Having a hard time with her class doesn't mean your practice has gone to hell. The class was 105 minutes, and she's very demanding. You'll be fine:)

  8. Sisya~ B-12, thanks!
    Greg~ Men are so very good at helping us women not be so dramatic. Thanks for the level setting. It was hard! :)