Friday, January 22, 2010

Day 22: Get out of Jail Free Pass- Courtesy of YOU!

Tonight was 7pm up at Summerlin with Frank. Fabulous fantastic entertaining Frank. I picked his class on purpose because if I have to suffer dammit I'm going to suffer with somebody who makes it bearable!
Last night when I was writing that very emotional soul baring post I almost did not click publish. I wrote it, to get it out and then sat there staring at the publish button, unable to click it. I was torn. I felt like I would either be very brave or very stupid to put that out there. Then I thought back to some other emotional posts last year and with a shrug of my shoulders I just said "this is me, bikramyogachick" CLICK.
Then today something incredible happened. Throughout the day an outpouring of support came in via the comments. Women who could relate, men who could empathize and appeciated my honesty, yogis who have practiced longer than me and some that teach that know this is part of the process. I gleaned so much from those comments. I felt surrounded by all of you. I can't even really explain just how powerful it was.
I went to class tonight and humbly laid my mat down in the front row next to yoga bff Mark. I told him I had been demoting myself from that spot and he just shrugged and said "I'm going in the front". I followed suit, hoping I would at least not distract anybody if I had a rough go of it.
Class starts and I catch my big brown eyes in the mirror. Startled, my eyes softened then I smiled, a tiny smile. At myself! Frank starts the class and asks if there are any first timers. There was a married couple right behind me, the wife experienced, the hubby, first time. Frank points at me and Mark and says "Watch the yogis in the front row they are very experienced and will guide you through". I set my intention right then and there. "I've been struggling. I don't expect to be a rockstar up here today. But please let me show the newcomer proper form, breathing and stillness between postures so he has somebody to guide him through his difficult first time".
What happened in the next 90 minutes was incredible. The room was perfect temperature. Frank was his lovely entertaining self. Mark breathed and stretched beside me, a comforting presence. I had no negative thoughts hurtling through my brain. In fact, my mind checked out and played "Moment of Surrender" by U2 over and over again throughout the standing series to entertain itself. Sort of like background music. I was comfortable, effortless, and had the breath of 100 blogging Bikram yogis flowing through me. I felt like God parted the clouds, and smiling, laid his hand on my shoulder and said "my dear child, you get a get out of jail free pass today, courtesy of your amazing yogi friends". By the floor series I was giddy with joy. I wanted to run across a hot sandy beach, salty air in my face, ocean waves crashing, hair flying around my face, arms lifted upward and throw my head back to laugh with joy!
Even if I have to go back to suffering for the next 80 days, this was worth it. This 90 minutes of beautiful moving meditation without wanting to stab myself in the eye with a was worth it. So thank you. All of you. I responded to each and every comment. I was blown away and no I did not cry (LIE).


  1. I really got a tear in my eye,

  2. I did cry (TRUTH). Your honesty and humility amaze me Michelle. It's been said before, but I'll say it again, you inspire and motivate more than you know. I am learning and growing so much from your wisdom and insight =)

  3. YAY! I'm so happy you had such an amazing practice! Keep smiling Michelle!

  4. That is so awesome to hear. Very moving!

    And I LOVE that song! I really like the newest U2 album. I never thought of consciously trying to think of a song in my head while I practiced!

  5. AHappyYogi~ Awwww~
    Jen~ Wow, it's so nice to hear that, especially in light of how terrible I am doing this challenge! It's the hardest hardest hardest challenge I have ever done, and I've done 4 60's, a 30 and a 99! Thank you!
    TraciK~I will keep smiling, even through the bad ones. Thanks for your cheerful comments!
    Yolk E~ It's a bit like a song headache when that happens to me, but when it happened last night it was actually nice! Background music that didn't get in the way of my focus or listening to dialog. It was kind of trippy! I love the new album too. I saw them in concert when they came through Vegas in Oct. Amazing! I've seen them so many times and never get sick of them. They are my fave band!

  6. Amazing, tear in my eye as well. I'm so happy you shared the lows so we can celebrate with you in the highs. Wonderful.