Monday, June 16, 2008

Day 16: We're not serving cheescake here, we're serving paincakes...

5pm with Dray.  Good stuff as usual.  I had a solid, very decent practice and felt great at the end.  The only issue I had was soreness in my lower back during the floor series after the spine strengthening postures.  The kind of soreness I was feeling doesn't usually hit me until later, or even the next day.  It was a little unsettling, but I kept going and just kept breathing.  It really bothered me the most in the sit ups.  You know, its funny because I truly believe this yoga is the secret to good health and even fixing injuries of all sorts.  So when I feel pain I start to doubt a little.  But only a little.  I keep going back, and my belief just gets stronger.  During the last 60 challenge in January my right knee started to hurt very badly around day 30.  Instead of freaking out, I just kept going.  By day 45 it let up and by day 60 it was gone!  I've always had pain in that knee since running cross country in high school, it comes and goes.  So I believe that what happened during my challenge is that I was working through layers of that pain and healing an old injury.  My knee is right as rain now!
The title of this post is me quoting something Dray said during practice today and I'm pretty sure he was quoting Bikram, or at least somebody at training.  He said it during fixed firm.  Good timing as that one gets a lot of people to go "oh hell no!" when they are new.  Something about the position of the ankles feet and knees sends some of these grown men screaming for the door (figuratively of course). 
Sometime during the floor series I had one of those random thoughts that are sort of like a mini epiphany float up and grab me.  It said "its not about you and Bill anymore, now its just about you.  You and your issues".  It was this strange little random thought out of nowhere that felt like, well, it felt like closure.  The breakup pain has really started to be less and less frequent and less intense and I've really been thinking about the fact that I have space.  Space to focus on me and my daughter and for once in my life not worry about men.  Its not like I've had a ton of relationships, but I feel like I've spent the last 17 years either in a relationship, recovering from one or trying to start one.  For once I'm not just "in between" relationships.  I'm just this spaciousness that has come into my life and its starting to feel comfortable.  
I'll have another order of paincakes please Dray!  Serve 'em up, I like 'em!

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