After class, sitting on the curb, waiting for my stepfather to come get me I felt so much better. The lump was gone and I felt peaceful. I sat looking west at the redrock mountains, feeling the breeze on my face and just breathing in the nice day. I wondered how it was that the pain I have been feeling for days, that accumulated into the painful lump could suddenly be gone. Then it hit me. Somebody once asked me, "what is the value of your stock?" I looked at him, like "what?" He just said, you need to take inventory and know the value of your stock. So I sat there, looking at the mountains thinking about that and I realized that I know the value of my stock and I know its rising. Because I have an unshakable faith in myself that I can work on all of the things I need to, internal and external both, and be the best Michelle I can be. That's mine, I own that and nobody can take that away.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Day 35: Male energy and the value of my stock
Today was 1130 with Frank. I was dropped off by my stepdad while my car was being looked at. When I walked into the studio, I found myself gravitating toward the male energy. Talking to George, Dray, Kirk and being happy Frank was teaching. The past few days I have been walking around with a lump in my chest and being in a place of emotions. The lump was even bigger today. So I gravitated toward the men, because I wanted to be near their "black and white" "cut and dry" attitude and pull myself out of this place of feeling. During class the lump in my chest literally caused me physical problems. I actually was out of breath, could not get enough oxygen in and suffered during many of the postures. So while I felt pretty strong at first, by the end of class I had barely enough strength to finish the last three postures. And during camel the lump in my chest was so restrictive I had to come out of camel first set and just sat on my knees. Frank was nice and put his hand on my head for a minute...giving me a bit of compassion. That gave me the boost I needed to do the full time on the second set, lump and all.