Friday, March 13, 2009

Day 47: Solitude

Today was very interesting for me.  I'm a very social person and enjoy being around people.  But today, I sought out the pleasure of my own company.  I wanted and needed to be alone and it felt very reassuring to me.  I had to work of course, but on my lunch break I had an appointment to run off to.   It did not take long at all, so I had time left when I got back to work, Tart frozen yogurt topped with fresh fruit in tow.  It was a gorgeous day outside, sunny, clear, nice spring-like Vegas weather.  So as I'm walking from my car back to work I looked at the building and just thought to myself "I could go in and sit with my normal lunch crowd and talk, laugh, play cards, but I don't want to.  I just want to be by myself".  So I went to sit on some steps outside and just listened to my ipod and ate my frozen yogurt treat for lunch.  The sun was warm on my face and I felt so content.  
When I got to yoga at 5:30, Patti was teaching.   The parking lot was sparse and the lobby the same way when I walked in.  I already knew Reggi wouldn't be there.  So I sat, for my customary pre-yoga 20 minutes on the bench outside class by myself.....not only was Reggi not there, but all other regulars were missing as well.  Friday date-happy-hour-going-out night beckoning I suppose.  I was happy though, because I got to continue with my hanging out with myself solitude groove.  It was in sharp contrast to the loud hilarity of the regulars the night before and just as good in a completely different way.  I realized I like both.  I like being social, and I like being alone...they are both me.   For me, it's about balance.  I need both, but not one more than the other.  
Class today was awesome.  There were only about 12 of us, scattered all throughout the room.  I was in the front row, almost by myself.  The only other person in the front row on my side of the room was all the way at the end.  Nobody behind me until the very back of the room...two newbies.  Sitting on the bench before class, I realized I was very mentally exhausted today.  It's been a tough week and I was relieved it was Friday.  I came into the practice to relax and not to workout.  I mean, it's still a workout, but I was not pushing.   I was breathing and flowing and clearing my mind and just coasting in and out of the postures.  When I was finished I felt more like I just had a 90 minute massage rather than an intense kick ass Bikram class.   It was what I needed, I knew it, I listened to myself and took care of me.  I knew I needed to be alone at lunch and I knew I needed to "check out" at yoga.  I don't think I've ever been this in tune with myself physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I know you get sick of hearing it loyal audience, but I'll say it again:  this yoga is amazing.  It continues to change my life for the better.

1 comment:

  1. I can hear/feel your personal growth in this post. Your self-awareness and acceptance is absolutely beautiful. Yes... Bikram yoga even helps bring us to a place of peace where we can begin to accept, release and enjoy. Spend more time with you... you'll find out more about yourself, and how magnificent you really are! (((hugs)))