Friday, February 13, 2009

Day 19: Gratitude

Last night, somebody very special to me listened to my silly little problems.  They are not huge in the grand scheme of things.  Just weighing on me heavily, as I wrote in yesterday's post.  During that conversation, I was reminded how much I have to be grateful for.  Most times I remember to stop and feel gratitude on my own, other times, when I focus to closely on negative things, I need to be reminded.  
Today was 530 with Anastashia.  The room was not as hot as normal and the class was light....Friday tends to be that way.  Shelley was there with me, practicing in the front row with me.  Her silent energy was a viable presence throughout the practice and felt great to be around.  During final savasana, as I took note of how good and strong my body feels right now (yes, my hamstrings are a little sore, but its not bad at all) waves of gratitude for that and all other good things in my life washed over me.  It was powerful.  A memory of my first month at yoga washed over me.  196 pounds, wearing long sweatpants, a sports bra and a long tank top over it.  Huffing and puffing and not able to even get my foot into my hands for standing head to knee and also standing bow.  I didn't give up.  Something deep inside me decided that this yoga was the answer for me.  Spin class wasn't the answer.  Turbo kick boxing didn't do it.  Even hundreds of dollars on two different trainers on two different occasions didn't do it.  Miles on the treadmill, or trying to go for a run with my ipod.  Nothing could save me.  Nothing could bring out the very necessary consistency that has to happen before seeing progress.   Years of being overweight.  Years of anxiety, frustration, low self esteem and just plain not feeling well.  I am so grateful for whatever it is that lives in me that took over and said "yes, bikram, yes, keep going, you can do this michelle, this is for you".  Thank you thank you thank you.....
Without this yoga I would not have some of the very special things in my life that are here today.  
Thank you.


  1. Happy Valentines Day Sweetie!
    Thanks for sharing this, and your vulnerable honesty. You truly have come along way in many areas. I can relate completely with the anxiety, low self-esteem. It is amazing that Bikram Yoga can touch even those areas of our life.Keep it up girl... you are a star. xoxo

  2. Amen! What is it about Bikram that whispers to us? I have no idea. But, I know I was not ready for it until this point in my journey. Funny how things suddenly appear when you need them most!
    Keep up the great work...and keep writing! :)

  3. I know this is a super old post but I'm new to Bikram (4 weeks, 5 classes/week) and this is so inspiring because your explanation of your first month is soooo me. However, I'm in this for the long haul. Yoga centers me.

  4. Miranda~ thanks for your comment, it prompted me to re-read this post and now I feel gratitude for bikram all over again, strong as this post! :)