Day 34: The evolution of me continues....

Today was 1130 with fabulous Frank.  Love me a Frank class.  I rocked it out in the front row.  Consistent, strong, solid, surfing my breath again.

Last night I posted the physical evolution of me for fun. I wrote in a previous post that this challenge is different than the two I did last year- more mental and emotional rather than physical.  I alluded to some difficult personal events this past Wednesday. I only described one event, the other, well, it's not for the blog. Suffice it to say, the universe seems to be shouting at me with this challenge and that event that it really is time to focus harder on the inner workings of Michelle and let the outer stuff cruise along and take care of itself.  Hence the difference between this challenge and the two last year.  Those were purely physical...can I do it?  Can I get through 60 yoga classes in a row, am I strong enough?  Also I was working through knee and lower back issues.  The inner stuff is much more difficult to tackle, but not impossible.  Insecurity /low self esteem is and has been my biggest hurdle in life.  Bikram has helped me to operate from a place of confidence and not insecurity most of the time.   When I operate from that place of insecurity I am in danger of expressing my emotions inappropriately and pushing away people I care about.  Boy oh boy, aren't we beautiful little messes, us humans?  So while this kind of stuff is much harder than losing 45 pounds (my total weight loss from that first picture) I will never give up.  I am determined to be the best Michelle I can be.  I owe it to myself.  
So let me share with you some Bikram "isms" that apply to my life outside of the hot room this week. They are things uttered by instructors during practice that translate nicely in the real world and have been helping me these past few days.
Here goes:

• Pain~ "the only way to get to the other side of the pain is to go through it. You cannot go around it."  This applies to physical and emotional pain, now doesn't it?
  
• "throat choked, eyes open, breathing normal". I love that one...who is breathing normal with their throat choked in standing separate head to knee pose?  But it's good advice, because when I am in an uncomfortable situation I do need to remember to breathe.  It really does help.
  
• After camel: "If you're feeling wierd, that's normal.  If you're feeling normal, that's a little wierd."  Camel, like many situations in life, opens up your heart and chest and makes some of us feel vulnerable.