Thursday, July 3, 2008

Day 33: My old friends....

Yoga fixes everything....if you let it.  Actually my personal opinion is that each person has to find something they truly believe in and when you find that it will change your life.  So its maybe not entirely the yoga, but how much you believe in it.  I really don't know how it happened, but yoga became the one thing in my life that I have been able to fully believe in with no doubts, no reservations, no looking back.  We all have our own demons, and to battle them we need something powerful.  Bikram yoga is powerful.
That being said, a steady, faithful yoga practice is like any other relationship- it has its ups and downs and requires diligence and work.  Although I believe passionately in this yoga, I'm not always feeling like some powerful, excited yogini.  I have my days.  Today was one of them.  For some reason my old friend angst decided to visit me a couple of days ago (see post where I'm spacing out with a angst ridden Coldplay song rattling around in my head).  Today, my friend negativity decided to peek around the corner and see how I was doing.  The heat was bothering me a little today and it was one of those days where the yoga felt a bit like suffering.  I wasn't feeling like a ball of energy.  Instead of accepting and acknowledging it and just trying to go with it, I succumbed to some negative thinking.  Once I hit the ground for the floor series, that's when my friend negativity started in on me.  "This is painful, do you really think you are going to keep this up for any length of time? And teacher training, who are you kidding Michelle, you wouldn't make 9 rigorous weeks of anything  You only last two weeks with anything and give up.  You suck....blah blah blah".  The interesting thing about all of this is the presence within me was quietly listening and not judging.  The presence was almost chuckling.  "Two weeks, how cute, she's been doing this yoga full force for over a year, you should celebrate that!" 
So after my 5pm class with Frank I left feeling good and positive.  Those old friends angst and negativity can come visit me, but I'm not going to invite them to stay.  They aren't all that fun to hang out with!
Tomorrow is a holiday so I'll have to go to class by 1pm since they have a short schedule.  I also am kicking around a cool idea for my Sunday yoga class(es) and I don't want to tell you yet in case it doesn't work out, but hopefully I will have a fun blog for Sunday that involves Shelley and two yoga champions!  :)
Happy Independence Day everybody and thanks for reading and leaving comments.  I always get a big smile on my face when there is one for me to read. 

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for writing this. I am with you so much. My yoga has helped me through a very painful issue this week. Today's class gave me clarity and helped me to seek some resolution and take responsibility for some choices I have been making. But you're right.. if we let it. Yoga is my safety net so much and I find that when I doubt it, I need it all the more.

    It's powerful to read things like this because they mirror so closely my own experiences with Bikram yoga. It's SO much more than just a practice, more than a hot workout, more than 90 minutes. I am glad I am not alone in my feelings and again, thank you.